Tori's oral surgeon (that we were supposed to visit today) was naive enough to believe that a Federal Court summons to appear in Los Angeles would free him in less than half a day. They haven't even got organized and started by then. Meanwhile, we are now shooting for tomorrow.
Work doesn't seem as much fun as it used to be...Perhaps I'm reaching burnout. I need some time off.
The Washington Post recently had a contest wherein
participants were asked to tell the younger generation how much
harder they had it "in the old days." Winners, runners-up,
and honorable mentions are listed below.
Second Runner-Up:
In my day, we couldn't afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In
winter, we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction.
First Runner-Up:
In my day, we didn't have MTV or in-line skates, or any of that
stuff. No, it was 45s and regular old metal-wheeled roller
skates, and the 45s always skipped, so to get them to play right
you'd weigh the needle down with something like quarters, which
we never had because our allowances were way too small, so we'd
use our skate keys instead and end up forgetting they were taped
to the record player arm so that we couldn't adjust our skates,
which didn't really matter because those crummy metal wheels
would kill you if you hit a pebble anyway, and in those days
roads had real pebbles on them, not like today.
And the winner:
In my day, we didn't have rocks. We had to go down to the creek
and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads.
Honorable Mentions:
In my day, we didn't have fancy health-food restaurants. Every
day we ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts, along with
potatoes.
In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to do
addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some fingers
amputated.
In my day, we didn't get that disembodied, slightly ticked-off
voice saying 'Doors closing.' We got on the train, the doors
closed, and if your hand was sticking out, it scraped along the
tunnel all the way to the next station and it was a bloody stump
at the end. But the base fare was only a dollar.
In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together our own
hydrogen and oxygen atoms.
Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the
sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the
back of a giant tortoise.
Back in my day, '60 Minutes' wasn't just a bunch of gray-haired,
liberal 80-year-old guys. It was a bunch of gray-haired, liberal
60-year-old guys.
In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a one-eyed
razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you just
had to hope you could outrun him.
Back in my day, they hadn't invented electricity. We had to watch
television by candlelight.
In my day, we didn't have Strom Thurmond. Oh, wait. Yes we did.
Get Rich Slow
The End Of Get Rich Quick = The Beginning Of Getting Rich
* Tired of the relentless "Get Rich Quick" schemes that abound?
* Have you fallen victim to pyramid scheme after pyramid scheme in a fruitless attempt to realize your "American Dream" of becoming fabulously wealthy without earning it?
* Have you found attempts to swindle money from the unsuspecting public has left you high and dry?
If you have answered yes to one or more of these questions then you have been barking up the wrong road all this time...
The secret of gaining fortunes is not in getting it quick, but getting it, period. That is why I have created a system of "Get Rich Slow" schemes that are guaranteed to make you millionaires!!! Yes, that is right, If you don't become a millionaire before you die, I will personally give you my entire net worth on the spot! That is how confident I am that these techniques will work. Yes, my friend, the pot of gold that you have been searching for is here, read on:
GET RICH SLOW -- The Basics
The most important concepts in the "Get Rich Slow" philosophy are the three C's (Can, Coin, Couch), commonly referred to as the three "treasures" of getting rich. Once you have memorized and mastered these techniques you will never have to worry about money again...
$ THE FIRST TREASURE - One Word: "Cans"
Today's world severely underestimates the value of turning in aluminum cans for cash. Some states will pay up to five cents per pound that you can collect, which is about the average weight in Coke and Pepsi cans that are used by a family of four in one month! Yes, that means every house on your block is a potential nickel in your pocket, every month! The average neighborhood may contain 90 homes, that is four dollars and fifty cents in your pocket per month! The untapped power of the aluminum can dollar is not yet even begun to be realized... but wait, you say that most families put their recyclable materials in those red or green recycle bins to be picked up every week... A true opportunist sees these little baskets as the golden goose! Go out there and raid those bins! Stick it to the man and take his trash, because that is money in your pocket!
$ THE SECOND TREASURE - Don't spend those old coins, collect them!
Unknown to most people, the coins that you use every day may be twenty, thirty, even forty years old or more. As these coins age, their value goes up astronomically! A silver dollar from the turn of the century goes today for nearly $1.02 on the collectors market, and one from 1870 can go has high as $1.05!!!! Think what would happen if you began stockpiling your twenty and thirty year old coins now... In less than one century you will have all the cash you will ever need! That means no more fiddling with junk savings bonds, no more fear of spending your final years in poverty... You will be sitting pretty with your set of 1972 dimes, dimes that will make you rich! Whoever said the seventies never created anything worthwhile! They will make your fortune.
$ THE THIRD TREASURE - The City of Gold
The third treasure in the pursuit to get rich slow is the hidden gold mine that exists in everyone's house, yes the living-room sofa. The average sofa can collect up to 12 cents from a single man's pants... Some students of the Get Rich Slow philosophy have reported collecting SEVENTY two cents in an average week, merely from rummaging the couch after every guest... Can you believe those numbers??? This is no hoax, this system really works! The highest record reported so far has been one dollar and thirteen cents in a single night after a particularly successful party! With those numbers, how can you lose?
$ SUCCESS IS YOURS -- Don't Hesitate, Act Now, Reap Later
Don't hesitate, go, go, go, and begin raking in your first pennies today and by the end of the year you will be skilled enough to make nearly fifty cents a day. With that earning power you will find yourself free to do all the things you have dreamed of: Buying food, collecting matches, becoming your own employee!
Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline. Please listen carefully to the menu selections, because they change every hour.....
If you are Obsessive Compulsive . . . press 1, repeatedly.
If you are Co-Dependent . . . please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have Multiple Personalities . . . press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are Paranoid . . . we know who you are, and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are Delusional . . . press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mothership.
If you are Schizophrenic . . . listen carefully, and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are Depressed . . . it doesn't matter what number you press . . . no one will answer.
If you are Dyslexic . . . press 969696969696.
If you have a Nervous Disorder . . . please fidget with the Asterisk key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have Amnesia . . . press 8 and then state your Name, Address, Phone Number, Date of Birth, Social Security Number and your Mother's and Grandmother's maiden names.
If you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder . . . slowly and very carefully press 000.
If you have Bi-Polar Disorder . . . please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep, please wait for the beep.
If you have Short-Term Memory Loss . . . please try to call again later.
If you have Low Self-Esteem . . . please hang up. Our operators are far too busy to talk to you
If none of the above apply . . . you have the wrong number, though it might be the right time to at least see our doctor.
If you find this to be an error, please call again.
Thank you for calling the Mental Health Hotline.
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