This is an outrage! When a mother seeks better educational opportunities for her kids, because the school system has failed; what would you expect the penalties for cheating on your address so thay can go to a better school district. 1.) Kick the kids out and back to their own district, and 2.) Fine the mother with a misdemeanor charge. In this case, the kids were black and the Akron school district recommended a felony charge which puts the mother in jail, who is keeping the kids' welfare as the primary goal? Th school district official should be reprimanded or lose his job, but more importantly the District Attorney should be fired for malpractice!
An elderly woman was enjoying a good game of Bridge with her girlfriends one evening. "Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to really be ticked if it's not ready on time!" she exclaimed suddenly.
When she got home, she realized that she didn't have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she had in the cupboard was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband pulled up.
She greeted her husband and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband really enjoyed his dinner. "Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day."
Needless to say, every Bridge night from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her Bridge cronies about it and they were all horrified.
"You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed.
Two months later, her husband died.
The women were sitting around the table playing Bridge when one of the cronies said, "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play Bridge, knowing you murdered your husband?"
The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantel while he was cleaning himself."
Ponderisms
1 • I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
2 • There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
3 • Life is sexually transmitted.
4 • Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
5 • The differences between a rut and a grave is the length and depth.
6 • Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
7 • Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
8 • All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
9 • In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
10 • How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
11 • Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'
12 • If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
13 • Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup ?
14 • Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
15 • Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
16 • Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?
Confession
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Cassino went to the local church for confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the mansaid, 'Father ... during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide herfrom the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.'
The priest replied, 'That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that.'
'There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me withsexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.'
The priest said, 'By doing that, you placed yourselves in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can easily succumbto the weakness of the flesh.. However, if you are truly sorry for youractions, you are indeed forgiven.'
'Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I dohave one more question.'
'And what is that, my son?' asked the priest.
'Should I tell her the war is over?'
