So BP is putting on a tighter cap ? Where was it the first time ? Why are they so ill prepared ?
Congratulations to Spain on winning the World Cup!
Bozo the Clown. Do we really need "the Clown"? Are we going to confuse him with Bozo the Tax Attorney? Bozo the Pope? - Jerry Seinfeld
An Outsider in a small Texas town around Christmas time, saw a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. But one small feature was all wrong: the three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.
Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, he left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, he asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.
She exploded into a rage, yelling, "You darn Yankees never read your Bibles!"
The Outsider assured her that he did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and riffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in the guys face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'"
| More You Might Be A Redneck If... |
| Your pocket knife often doubles as a toothpick. You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture. The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones. You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader. You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy. You've been too drunk to fish. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people". You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car. Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison. You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut. You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard. Your mother comes outta the bathroom and says, "Y'all come look at this before flush it!" You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift. You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food. You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear. The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year." You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that is! Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end." Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds. Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town. The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection. You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education. In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?". Your child's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers!". You can belch and say your name at the same time. The UFO hotline limits you to one call a day. You hit a bump in the road and lose half of your worldly possessions. Thanksgiving dinner was ruined because you ran out of ketchup. |
Getting old
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."
The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"
