Just when you think you might have heard it all... Some Facebook fanatics just saddled their newborn with a name from Facebook, 'Like'. This is what kind of people are causing changes in our world based on their voting records in the Facebook world. Sounds like we need some major gene-pool cleansing....
I know we all have little annoyances that tend to bug us on a regular basis, but this one keeps coming up. I will look ay a news site and it will list a story that I'm interested. I click the link and it turns out to be a video. I'm not to excited about it, but then a commercial plays for sixty seconds first. I'm not going to watch it. Because
20 Excuses for Not Going to Work
· If it's all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
· I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, re-living Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly, resetting the clocks in the house, while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
· My stigmata's acting up.
· I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Ok?
· I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...
· I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the supermarket.
· Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, can I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with MCI, but thank you for calling.
· Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
· I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I
shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now
contain false information.
· The psychiatrist said we had an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
· When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. Now I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
· The dog ate my car keys. Now we're going to hitchhike to the vet.
· I'd prefer to remain an enigma.
· I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.
· I can't come in because I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
· I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
· I refuse to travel to my job in the district until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.
· I'm just checking to make sure everything is okay with my not coming in today. I hope you haven't forgotten about our little agreement at last year's Christmas party.
DIY Security System
Estimated budget: $10 1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men’s used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
“Bubba,
Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don’t think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ‘em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back.
Cooter”
Cooter”
You’re An EXTREME Redneck When
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, “Hey, guys, watch this.”
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the “Star-Spangled Banner” are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween Pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
