PREGNANT TURKEY
One year at Thanksgiving my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.
When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Susan, you've
cooked a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.
It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs.
Think Quietly:
· Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery!"?
· Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
· Why is a boxing ring square?
· Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips after you use it?
· Why is it necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
· Why is what doctors do called "practice?"
· Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
· Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
"You don't want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience.
"Well, I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time.
'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?"
The expert replied,
"Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get my breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."
A police officer is hiding on the far side of a bridge with his speed gun.
He pulls over a speeding car and asks the driver why he was driving so fast.
The driver apologizes and says he is a doctor and is running late.
The cop asks him what kind of doctor he is.
The driver says he specializes in stretching assholes and mentions that he can stretch assholes up to six feet.
The cop asks why in the world would someone want a six foot asshole.
The driver says, so they can give them a speed gun and put them at the far side of a bridge.
But baby pigeon said, "I can't make it; I'll get too tired." His mother said, "Don't worry; I'll tie a piece of string to one of your legs and the other end to mine."
The baby started to cry.
"What's wrong?" said the mother.
"I don't want to be pigeon towed!"
85 year old Morris goes to the doctor... for a check up.
The next day the doctor sees old Morris walking down the street with this goreous young woman.
Doctor walks up to Morris and says "Morris! what is with this young woman on your arm? She can't even be one third of your age!"
Morris says "I'm just taking your advice doc. You said for sex, get a hot momma and be Cheerfull"
Doctor: "You crazy deaf old fool! I said reguarding sex, You have a heart murmur, be careful!"
This will be a rough week for President Obama.
This will be a rough week for President Obama. He's got a lame duck Congress, he has to pardon a turkey, he has to eat crow, and the Chinese just flipped him the bird. It's been a fowl week.
