"Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock." - Will Rogers
I've said many times that you can't buy service, but whatever happened to "common" courtesy ? I entered the shopping center parking lot and decided that I wanted to turn left on one of the aisles. Car after car went by, each not courteous enough to let me turn left in front of them. At least five cars passed, before I could turn. The car behind me was honking, but I was determined to reveal at least one gentle-person. Unfortunately, in-spite of each driver catching my glaring glance and my blinker blinking and my hand-signal to turn left, nobody would let me go. Why is it that people are not courteous anymore. I always open the door for my wife, or a woman entering where I am exiting- or even a man. Holding the door is just plain nice (and courteous). My daughter holds her cell phone because she wants to catch texts or calls right away, so the other person doesn't have to wait. Why is is better to be courteous on the phone, but not in person? Is it too much to ask to give thirty-seconds (or so) away to a total stranger? There are many times that I REALLY don't like the direction that the world is taking. Why are we always in so much of a hurry. So much in a hurry that a phone call or text can't wait until we stop our car or even get to our destination. No time to stop and help someone that drops their package. Way too much to ask to return something found, rather than keeping it or spending it. We are just too busy to enjoy our surroundings, even the people we call friends or family, unless it is electronically (which, by the way, may be faster- thereby allowing us to multitask even more...).
I long for the simpler times. Wouldn't it be cool to sit on a bench in front of the barber shop and shoot the breeze while watching the cars and people go bye (as in Mayberry)? Certainly an impossibility, as I don't think those places still exist, but I still long for a simpler existence in which you can appreciate your surroundings because you have the time and you spend the time to do so.
Top ten reasons why the bible would be different if it were written by university students.
10. The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning, cold.
9. The Ten Commandments would be actually only five, double-spaced, and written in large font.
8. Promiscuous females would be pissed, not stoned.
7. Forbidden fruit would still have been eaten, anything is better than college food.
6. Paul's letter to the Romans becomes Paul's e-mail to abuse@romans.gov.
5. Reason Cain Killed Abel: they were flatting together and the dishes weren't getting done.
4. The time and place where the end of the world occurs would be lecture theatres in October.
3. Mary would have made a complaint to the sexual harassment committee concerning Gods unwanted advances.
2. The reason why Moses and the followers walked in the desert for forty years: they didn't want to ask
directions and look like freshmen.
1. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until
the night before it was due and then pulled an all- nighter.
Modern Technology
I saw a lady at work today putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. I inquired as to what she was doing and she said she was shopping on the internet, and they asked for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy".
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I worked with an individual who plugged the power strip back into itself and for his life couldn't figure why the computer would not turn on.
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1st Person: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"
2nd Person: "A little. What's wrong?"
1st Person: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened."
2nd Person: "How did you load the sheet?"
1st Person: "It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient would open it and read it."
My daughter called me at work to say I had received a call from "Josh" at the bank regarding my account.
Returning the call to my bank, the operator asked what Josh's last name was. I explained that he hadn't left his last name.
Then she asked for his department, and I said that I didn't know that either.
"There are 1500 employees in this building, ma'am," she told me rather sharply.
So I asked her for her name.
"Danielle," she said.
"And your last name?" I asked.
"Sorry," she replied, "we're not allowed to give last names."
PARAPROSDOKIANS... (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.
