'May 22, 2011 - To No End
So the world didn't end yesterday. It didn't even rest, or stop for a crossing pedestrian. And whether we think that the Earth is spinning out of control, off its axis, or over-heating, we all know that it would take a firm place to stand and long lever to change its course. You can't make things happen just by saying so on the radio, you know.
So now that we have made it past May 21, 2011, there's a lot to think about - things like what a bad idea it was not paying your utility bill last month. And maybe you shouldn't have gotten that tattoo. But you really aren't in a world of trouble. As Ed always says, "It's better to be late with the rent than late for dinner."' - Edhat
Harold Camping, the preacher who predicted that the world would end on May 21, issued the following brief statement: "The world doesn't end this week. Oprah does. My bad, sorry."
I couldn't have said it better myself, so I didn't...
Under the category: "ASK ME IF I GIVE A RAT'S ASS...": Why would I care what Sarah Palin's ringtone is or what she was told to say (by the formerly "G" OP) about Obama's Israel speech? Bottom line: We all (for the most part) care less about what comes out of Palin's mouth now than we did when she was running for VP. Keeping herself in the news will NEVER give us a warm-fuzzy feeling that she has any original thoughts or is capable of them...There went the neighborhood, as Palin buys a house in Scottsdale!
If you are foolish enough to spend time on Fleecebook, here are nine blatant ways for you to lose [money, identity, security on your computer, ...].
I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.
Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French and
It's all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss and
It's all organized by the Italians.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 20 years.
In just two days from now,
tomorrow will be yesterday.
A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.
I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect..
I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
In Memoriam
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started..
I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.
Preserve the Spotted Owl
(in formaldehyde)
When you work here, you can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred".
Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
I like cats too.
Let's exchange recipes.
Red meat is not bad for you.
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
I am having an out-of-money experience.
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"
Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
