My best friend emailed with the best news. His Oncologist says he is cancer free! I am elated.
Top Ten Country Western Songs
10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine 9. I Ain’t Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With A Few
8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'
6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win
5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here
4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger
2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer
And the Number One Country & Western song is...
1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day
Muslim Mystery: Solved!
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.
Lets see now. No beer, No booze, No bars, No television, No cheerleaders, No baseball, No football, No basketball, No hockey, and No tailgate parties.
No pork BBQ, No hot-dogs, No burgers, No lobster, No shellfish, or even freakin' frozen fish sticks!
Rags For clothes, towels for hats. Constant wailing from the guy next door because he is sick and there are no doctors. 24 hour wailing from a guy in the tower.
You can't shave. Your wife can't shave. You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
The women have to wear baggy dresses, and veils at all times.
Your bride is picked by someone else. She smells just like your donkey,but your donkey has a better disposition.
Then they tell you: IT ALL GETS BETTER WHEN YOU DIE!
"NO MYSTERY HERE"