Used say that it was summer so long here that Thanksgiving came in the middle of it. This year, we hardly saw summer at all. The holidays still snuck up on me, but I can't blame it on the weather...
We all want to be safe, yet we don't want to be as safe as we can. You can't look through my clothes and you can't grope me during a mandatory pat-down in order to make me safe. What if we didn't do anything, would people still fly ? They probably would. Of course we'd ask them to sign away all liability to the airline, crew and gubmint. Perhaps the only solution is to overrun the trans with passengers to the point that a high-speed train becomes a plausible alternative to air travel. Why do we think that the nasties won't want to hijack a train (what for?) ? Even if they blew up a train, it would surely cause damage and hurt a lot of innocent people, but it doesn't have the news impact of the airline disasters. So as I said in a previous blog entry, why would I want to fly anymore ? There are way too many reasons to avoid it!
The local news station was interviewing an 84-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 84, and then about her new husband's occupation.
"He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now, in her 80's, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
"Easy, son," she smiled. "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!"
We all want to be safe, yet we don't want to be as safe as we can. You can't look through my clothes and you can't grope me during a mandatory pat-down in order to make me safe. What if we didn't do anything, would people still fly ? They probably would. Of course we'd ask them to sign away all liability to the airline, crew and gubmint. Perhaps the only solution is to overrun the trans with passengers to the point that a high-speed train becomes a plausible alternative to air travel. Why do we think that the nasties won't want to hijack a train (what for?) ? Even if they blew up a train, it would surely cause damage and hurt a lot of innocent people, but it doesn't have the news impact of the airline disasters. So as I said in a previous blog entry, why would I want to fly anymore ? There are way too many reasons to avoid it!
The local news station was interviewing an 84-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 84, and then about her new husband's occupation.
"He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now, in her 80's, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
"Easy, son," she smiled. "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!"
Funny Signs or Advertising by Small Store Owners
1. Gas Station – We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
2. Furniture Store — Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
3. Drugstore – Why be cheated elsewhere when you can come here?
4. Loan Company – Ask about our plans of owning your home.
5. Clothing Store – Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
6. General Store (antiques) – We buy junk and sell antiques.
7. Camera Store — One hour photos ready in 20 minutes.
8. Dry Cleaner – 38 years on the same spot.
9. Restaurant – Open 7 days a week and weekends.
10. Bookstore – Rare, out of print and non-existent books.
11. Dry Cleaner – We do not tear your clothing with machinery, we do it carefully by hand.
12. Church – Will the last person to leave please extinguish the perpetual light.
13. Convention Center — For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, we have a daycare center on the first floor.
14. School Basketball Court — Anyone caught hanging from the rim will be suspended.
15. Hospital Maternity Ward — No Children Allowed.
16. Cemetery – People are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own grave(s).
A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS! I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied, "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up drinking, gambling, and golf."
