If you believe this, most people wouldn't vote for Palin even if she did run! It warms my heart to know that in spite of the the news splashes and impact on the recent elections, the voting American public will most probably do the right thing anyway...
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has been named Time magazine's Person of the Year. They said he has single-handedly (?) changed the way we waste time at work.
Did you know your apps are spying on you? Most applications on iPhone and Android send information (hopefully only statistical in nature) about their users to some collection point on the internet.Most importantly, though: 1) Are they taking personal information? 2) What are they doing with the information they take? 3) Can you trust any of them?
Last night we watched "Wall-E". I was impressed that the story emphasized humanity's shortcomings so well and that the CGI robots showed emotions so well. I enjoyed it. The previous night we watched "Despicable Me". It was cute, but I fell asleep about a third into it. That may be a critical comment or maybe I was just tired....
Detroit Practical Math
Schools are finally starting to teach practical math that these kids can use in real-world situations! Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has been named Time magazine's Person of the Year. They said he has single-handedly (?) changed the way we waste time at work.
Did you know your apps are spying on you? Most applications on iPhone and Android send information (hopefully only statistical in nature) about their users to some collection point on the internet.Most importantly, though: 1) Are they taking personal information? 2) What are they doing with the information they take? 3) Can you trust any of them?
Last night we watched "Wall-E". I was impressed that the story emphasized humanity's shortcomings so well and that the CGI robots showed emotions so well. I enjoyed it. The previous night we watched "Despicable Me". It was cute, but I fell asleep about a third into it. That may be a critical comment or maybe I was just tired....
Detroit Practical Math
NAME____________________
GANG/CREW NAME______________
CRIB_________________
1. Lajames has an AK-47 with a 5 mags. Each mag holds 30 rounds. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shootin. How many mofos can Lajames ice on a drive-by before he run outta ammo?
2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest of his shit?
3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day Crack habit?
4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to gets the 20% upside?
5. Ray-Ray gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette, and $1000 for a 4 x 4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to make the $10k for his brother's bail?
6. Pedro got 6 years for manslaughter. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with three 8 oz. Cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?
8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up?
9. Lafawnda is a lookout for the gang. Lafawnda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week and a cost of $5 per rat. If Lafawnda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her snake with one week's income?
10. Marvin steals Juan's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum piece. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?
If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius.
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas .
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.."
--Al Gore, Vice President
"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ."
-- Dan Quayle
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
If a man and a woman in Kentucky get divoriced... are they still brother and sister?
Scientific Phrases - What They Say and What They Mean
"It has long been known" - I didn't look up the original reference.
"A definite trend is evident" - These data are practically meaningless.
"While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions" - An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.
"Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study" - The other results didn't make any sense.
"Typical results are shown" - 1 This is the prettiest graph. 2 The best results are shown.
"These results will be in a subsequent report" - I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
"In my experience" - Once.
"In case after case" - Twice.
"In a series of cases" - Thrice.
"It is believed that" - I think.
"It is generally believed that" - A couple of others think so, too.
"Correct within an order of magnitude" - Wrong.
"According to statistical analysis" - Rumor has it.
"A statistically-oriented projection of the significance of these findings" - A wild guess.
"A careful analysis of obtainable data" - Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass iced tea.
"It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs" - 1 I don't understand it. 2 I need more grant money. 3 I can get at least one more paper out of this.
"After additional study by my colleagues" - They dont understand it either.
"Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions" - Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
"A highly significant area for exploratory study" - A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
"Handled with extreme care during the experiments" - Not dropped on the floor.
"Presumably at longer times" - I didn't take the time to find out.
"This paper will omit a review of the more recent literature in favor of" - I don't know if anything has been written on this since my dissertation.
"Various authorities agree" - I overheard this in the hall.
"It was observed that" - One of my students noticed that "No discussion would be complete without reference to the contributions of" - I need another footnote on this page.
"This research has left many questions unanswered." - I didnt find anything of significance.
"This finding has not yet been incorporated into general theory" - Perhaps my next graduate student will make sense of it.
"It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field" - I quit.
On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting upset with me.
ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."
IT: "Is that it?"
ME: "Yep."
IT: "That'll be $1.04, eat here?"
ME: "No, it's *to* *go*." [I hate effort duplication.]
At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and says...
IT: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."
He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them.
IT: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
MG: "No. A what?"
IT: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
MG: "Ask for something else, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL."
IT: "Yeah, thought so."
He comes back to me and says...
IT: "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"
ME: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"
IT: "I don't know."
ME: "See here where it says legal tender?"
IT: "Yeah."
ME: "So, shouldn't you take it?"
IT: "Well, hang on a sec."
He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to shoplift, and . . .
IT: "He says I have to take it."
MG: "Doesn't he have anything else?"
IT: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."
MG: "I'M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE."
IT: "What should I do?"
MG: "Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money."
IT: "I can't tell him that, you tell him."
MG: "Just tell him."
IT: "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back."
The manager approaches me and says
MG: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night."
[it was 8pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor mall with 100 other stores.]
ME: "Well, here's a two."
MG: "We don't take *those* either."
ME: "Why the hell not?"
MG: "I think you *know* why."
ME: "No really, tell me, why?"
MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
ME: "Excuse me?"
MG: "Please leave before I call mall security."
ME: "What the hell for?"
MG: "Please, sir."
ME: "Uh, go ahead, call them."
MG: "Would you please just leave?"
ME: "No."
MG: "Fine, have it your way then."
ME: "No, that's Burger King, isn't it?"
At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45 year oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in a whisper]
SG: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
MG: "This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money."
SG: "Really? What?"
MG: "Get this, a *two* dollar bill."
SG: "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?" [incredulous]
MG: "I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has is a fifty."
SG: "So, the fifty's fake?"
MG: "NO, the $2 is."
SG: "Why would he fake a $2 bill?"
MG: "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
SG: "Yeah..."
Security guard walks over to me and says . . .
SG: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
ME: "Uh, no."
SG: "Lemme see 'em."
ME: "Why?"
SG: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
At this point I was ready to say, "SURE, PLEASE," but I wanted to eat, so I said...
ME: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill."
I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says:
SG: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
MG: "It's fake."
SG: "It doesn't look fake to me."
MG: "But it's a **$2** bill."
SG: "Yeah?"
MG: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it dawned on the guy that he had no clue.
My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon things, too. It makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff.
