Why all this talk about dumping Biden in 2012 ? Do we REALLY think that that would have any bearing on Obama winning or losing ?
Holy Carp! Flying fish in Illinois! Why do you think that the city of Bath, Illinois holds a Redneck Fishing Tournament ? Aren't Rednecks from the south ?
A DAM STORY
An actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan
Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan.
Mr. Ryan DeVries
2088 Dagget Pierson,
MI 49339
SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023;
T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the
above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as
the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following
unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the
outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to
the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's
files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the
Department has determined that this activity is in violation of
Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994,
being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled
Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams
partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and
flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this
nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The
Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all
activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-
flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams
from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed
no later than January 31 2002.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed
so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our
staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further
unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being
referred for elevated enforcement action.
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this
matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have
any questions.
Sincerely, David L. Price
District Representative Land and Water
Management Division
This is the actual response sent back -
Dear Mr. Price,
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023;
T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County
Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to
respond to.
First of all, Mr. Ryan DeVries is not the legal landowner and/or
Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. I am the legal
owner and a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized)
process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams
across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.
While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam
project, I think they would be highly offended that you call
their skillful use of nature's building materials "debris."
I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate
their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I
believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match
their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity,
their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam
work ethic.
As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that
they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this
type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to
discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require
all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers,
through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed
copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have
been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam
violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural
Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public
Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is - aren't the beavers
entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
financially destitute and are unable to pay for said
representation - so the State will have to provide them with a
dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both
of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is
proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is
required to protect.
In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone
rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.
If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition
please contact the beavers - but if you are going to arrest them,
they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter they
being unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to
build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the
grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam
rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department
of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its
name, it should protect the natural resources (beavers) and the
environment (beavers' dams.).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can
be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why
wait until 1/31/2002? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the
dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff
to contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the
bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely
believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave
the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver
dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they
dump!)
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this
response to your dam office.
Redneck Medical Terms
* Artery......................The study of paintings.
* Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
* Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.
* Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.
* Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome.
* Catscan.....................Searching for Kitty.
* Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.
* Colic.......................A sheep dog.
* Coma........................A punctuation mark.
* D&C.........................Where Washington is.
* Dilate......................To live long.
* Enema.......................Not a friend.
* Fester......................Quicker than someone else.
* Fibula......................A small lie.
* Genital.....................Non-Jewish person.
* G.I.Series..................World Series of military baseball.
* Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.
* Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.
* Labor Pain..................Getting hurt at work.
* Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.
* Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.
* Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates.
* Node........................I knew it.
* Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.
* Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
* Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
* Post Operative..............A letter carrier.
* Recovery Room...............Place to do upholstery.
* Rectum......................Darn near killed him.
* Secretion...................Hiding something
* Seizure.....................Roman emperor.
* Tablet......................A small table.
* Terminal Illness............Getting sick at the airport.
* Tumor.......................More than one.
* Urine.......................Opposite of you're out
* Varicose....................Near by
* Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
* Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.
* Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.
* Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome.
* Catscan.....................Searching for Kitty.
* Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.
* Colic.......................A sheep dog.
* Coma........................A punctuation mark.
* D&C.........................Where Washington is.
* Dilate......................To live long.
* Enema.......................Not a friend.
* Fester......................Quicker than someone else.
* Fibula......................A small lie.
* Genital.....................Non-Jewish person.
* G.I.Series..................World Series of military baseball.
* Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.
* Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.
* Labor Pain..................Getting hurt at work.
* Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.
* Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.
* Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates.
* Node........................I knew it.
* Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.
* Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
* Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
* Post Operative..............A letter carrier.
* Recovery Room...............Place to do upholstery.
* Rectum......................Darn near killed him.
* Secretion...................Hiding something
* Seizure.....................Roman emperor.
* Tablet......................A small table.
* Terminal Illness............Getting sick at the airport.
* Tumor.......................More than one.
* Urine.......................Opposite of you're out
* Varicose....................Near by
What is a Redneck ?
To a person in the US, it is anybody from the South.
To somebody in the South, it is anybody in Mississippi.
To a person in Mississippi it is somebody who lives in a mobile home.
To somebody in MS living in a mobile home, it is a guy who drives a pickup.
To a MS guy in a trailer house who drives a pickup, it is a guy who drives a pickup with a Dale Earnhart decal on it.
To a MS guy in a trailer house with a decal of Dale Earnhart on his pickup, a redneck is somebody who drives around with his dog in the back of the truck.
And to a MS guy driving around in his Dale Earnhart pickup with his dog in the back, a redneck is a guy who puts Coca Cola in his morning coffee.
Area 51
You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane. . .only this time there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night."
