I wasn't sure what to say today. It was a bit different. I started out the day on a new project, which was given to someone else by 9:00. What a relief. It was a dog, and I was too busy anyway. Then I battled my way into getting something else to be successful. Unfortunately, I missed a very warm and beautiful day outside. Oh well.
My tooth broke again, as well. By the time I get to the dentist on Monday, I'll only have a root left!
Tomorrow, I'm going to spend doing documentation. This is normally boring, but I'm looking forward to it....
Boy, the market sure tanked again. I know now that barring some extraordinary occurrence, I will be working until I'm dead!
Season finale on Fringe tonight! I hope it answers more than the new questions it will ask...
Why fishing is better than sex
#20 - No matter how much whiskey you've had, you can still Fish. My tooth broke again, as well. By the time I get to the dentist on Monday, I'll only have a root left!
Tomorrow, I'm going to spend doing documentation. This is normally boring, but I'm looking forward to it....
Boy, the market sure tanked again. I know now that barring some extraordinary occurrence, I will be working until I'm dead!
Season finale on Fringe tonight! I hope it answers more than the new questions it will ask...
Why fishing is better than sex
#19 - A limp rod is still useful while Fishing.
#18 - You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines.
#17 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while.
#16 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything against Fishing.
#15 - If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet.
#14 - Your Fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you Fished with long ago.
#13 - It's perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.
#12 - When you see a really good Fishing person, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.
#11 - If your regular Fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you Fish with someone else.
#10 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself.
#9 - When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.
#8 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy Fishing stuff.
#7 - You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for harassment.
#6 - There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.
#5 - If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don't have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.
#4 - Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life.
#3 - Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.
#2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity.
#1 - Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just Fished last week! Is Fishing all you ever think about?"
Old songs rewritten
Re-released Baby Boomers’ Classics: Mrs. Brown, you’ve got a lovely walker
You can’t always pee when you want
I heard it through my hearing aid
Talkin’ ‘bout my medication
Bald thing!
How can you mend a broken hip?
I can’t see clearly now
Papa got a kidney stone
Denture Queen
You make me feel like napping
A Whiter shade of hair
Once, twice, three trips to the washroom
Young woman's wish list
A Woman’s Wish List What I want in a man:
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. Witty
5. Caring listener
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things in life
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. Imaginative, romantic lover
Wish list at age 32
What I want in a man (Revised age 32): 1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. seeks romance at least once a week
Wish list at 42
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK) 2. Doesn’t drive off until I’m in the car
3. Works steady—splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I’m talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to help rearrange furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most week-ends
Wish List at 52
1. Keeps nose and ear hair trimmed 2. Doesn’t belch or fart in public
3. Doesn’t borrow money too often
4. Doesn’t nod off when I’m venting
5. Doesn’t retell the same jokes too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off the couch on week-ends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some week-ends
Wish List at 62
1. Doesn’t scare small children
2. Remembers where the bathroom is
3. Doesn’t require too much money for upkeep
4. Only snores slightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he is laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Likes soft foods
8. Usually wears some clothes
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it’s the weekend.
Wish List at 72
1. Breathing 2. Doesn’t miss the toilet
