The German
controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing. Speedbird 206: “Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active.”
Ground: “Guten morgan, taxi to your gate.”
The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, ground, I’m looking up the gate location now.”
Ground (with typical German impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, in 1944. But I didn’t stop”.
Accidental Inventions.
As we all know, many of today’s inventions were discovered by accident. For example, adhesive transparent tape started out as being electrical tape. Someone used it on paper, and today it has become a household product. Ray Kroc, of McDonald’s fame, visited Hawaii and introduced the Hula Burger, pineapple ring on top of the beef patty. It was a miserable flop. But pineapple pieces cooked with pizza became a hit. Today, many pizza restaurants offer pineapple as a standard topping. Below are some ideas I propose. Some may go the way of the hula burger, and some may become mega successes. Think of the possibilities:
Fragrant petrol and diesel. Have you ever been stuck behind a diesel truck, belching diesel fumes? You wind up all the windows, but how do you breathe? Co-incidentally, the temperature in the pizza oven is the same as that inside the engine. So we should create an oil that, when burnt, gives off the aroma of freshly cooked pizza. This should be mixed with the diesel. Now everywhere the bus or the truck travels, it will leave a trail of pizza smell, rather than diesel fumes. Imagine the crows trying to locate the smell and pecking on the exhaust pipes! Pretty soon the diesel will come in varieties, such as pepperoni, meat lovers’, vegetable supreme, etc. But let’s not stop with the diesel. We can do the same for gasoline. Pretty soon we will see bumper stickers that say: “This car is powered by KFC BBQ Chicken!”
Fragrant Waste! Every year, the perfume factories throw away millions of gallons of perfume that was not quite the right formula, e.g. Chanel 9 ¾, if you get my meaning. Instead of throwing away all that stuff, why not use it in ways that will recover the cost or even make a profit? For example, toilet cleansers currently smell of chlorine (Ugh!). Why not of perfume? Or L’Oreal Toilet Duck? Or Givenchy Cleanser?
Pretty soon the toilet paper companies will get wind of this trend and we will see Yardley and Brut brand toilet paper instead of Charmin or Zeddy! The toilet paper would smell good, thereby relieving you of the duty to spray with air freshener. Now no one can accuse you of “stinking up the place”. Soon, status designers will come out with designer toilet paper, with button–down versions. Question is, what would you button it to? (Don’t even think of it!)
