I remember the Pet Rock. It was an unqualified, but unexplainable success. Can it be done again ? Now I see a toothbrush that sings Bieber tunes and a bacon tuxedo. Are they silly enough to make any money? Are we doomed to invest in nonsensical crap rather than actual usable and sensible products? Is American ingenuity being wasted on crap?Isn't it amazing that the whole LAUSD fiasco is happening. As the story unfolds, it is beyond belief that they sat on the evidence for over eighteen years, while countless molestations took place, without doing ANYTHING that might cause a lawsuit. Now they have arrested a second teacher and a third is implicated. I feel for the kids and their parents. Nothing has been said yet about the liability of the school district personnel. They should all be fired, and then sued. Criminal charges should also be made agains those "in charge".
Eye have a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plain lee marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write.
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
and eye can put the error rite.
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
-Sauce unknown
Valentine Poems
I thought that I could love no other Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace.
If only you could hide your face.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don’t take that paper bag off of your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming
That’s why I always wake up screaming.
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way.
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe “go to hell.”
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
Life is all about ASS!
You're either married to an ASS, divorced from an ASS or trying to forget an ASS. You're either working your ASS off, sweating your ASS off, laughing your ASS off, kicking ASS, kissing ASS, spanking ASS, hauling ASS, wiping ASS, busting ASS, trying to get a piece of ASS! Or, you ARE an ASS. 
The Magic Green Hat
The other day I needed to go to the emergency room.
Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my MAGIC GREEN HAT.
When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left.
I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all.
Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.
It also works at DMV. It saved me 5 hours. At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, most still running.
But...don't try it at McDonald's. The whole crew got up and left and l never got my order!
Rejected State Mottos
Alabama Literacy ain't everything
Ya want fries with dat?
Alaska
Come, freeze your butt off
Arizona
Winter home to 150,000 snowbirds
Arkansas
At least we're not Mississippi
California
The Granola State
Nobody's actually from here
Fast reloading lanes available
The really long state
Colorado
Too wimpy to cross the mountains so we stopped here
Official home of the winter ski bunny
Connecticut
Way too close to New York
Delaware
You'll need a map to find us
So close to Washington you can smell it
Florida
The Gunshine State
Elephant Graveyard; where the old Republicans go to die
Senior citizen discounts available
Come, enjoy the humidity
The snow capital of the US
Georgia
Home of the Rednecks
Gateway to Florida
Confederate money welcome
Hawaii
Sure, we've got Interstates... drive on over
Book 'em Danno
Tom Seleck, Jack Lord, Don Ho - Paradise!
Come, get lai-ed
Idaho
Ain't nothing here
We don't care if you spell potato with an "e"
Land of a billion "eyes"
Illinois
Land of the voting dead
Gateway to Iowa
Indiana
Home of David Letterman
Iowa
Just east of Omaha
It's easy to spell
Kansas
Hayfever capital of the Midwest
Dole slept here
There's no place like home
Ya want flat, we got flat
Kentucky
Tobacco is a vegetable
We're all related
Gateway to Nashville
Louisiana
Swim the beautiful Bayou
Cancer Alley's just a name, and names will never hurt you
Maine
For Sale
You can spit on Canada from here
Maryland
If it weren't for Washington, you couldn't find us
Massachusetts
Home of the young girls from Nantucket, also the home of Ted Kennedy, hmmmm...
Michigan
Land of the free, home of the Buick
Minnesota
Not Sweden, but we try to act like it
Sure beats Canada
Mississippi
We're lucky we can spell it
Why would you want to come here?
Missouri
Gateway to Kansas
Here's mine, Show Me yours
We're better than Illinois
Montana
Land of the Big Sky, and very little else
We've got lots of 10'x10' shacks in the woods
It's where you're wanted.
At least our cows are sane.
Nebraska
More corn than Kansas
Go to Kansas, turn north
Nevada
More weirdos than Alaska (warmer too)
2 words - Death Valley
3:5 you'll leave broke
We have our own nuclear testing site
New Hampshire
Like Old Hampshire, only newer
About as exciting as Vermont
New Jersey
You have the right to remain silent, You have the right to an attorney...
Tell 'em Guido sent ya
New Mexico
Lizards make excellent pets
We have reservations
Alien Welcome Center - Roswell
New York
At least we're not New Jersey!
We're more than a big city; we're a state
Like we CARE about a motto
English spoken here; sometimes
North Carolina
Five million people; Fifteen last names
We're bigger than South Carolina
North Dakota
The OTHER South Dakota
Ohio
Don't judge us by Cleveland
Proud polluters of Lake Erie
We're easy to spell
Oklahoma
We're OK, you're NOT!
I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto
Oregon
As pretty as California but not as weird
We're not named after a musical instrument
You can see the sunset from here
Pennsylvania
Cook with coal
Free lube job with oil change
Rhode Island
Size ain't everything
Nobody famous came from Rhode Island
South Carolina
Just south of North Carolina
South Dakota
Closer than North Dakota
Tennessee
The Educashun State
Thank goodness we've still got Elvis
A great fixer-upper
Texas
Si Hablo Ingles
See, everything is bigger in Texas!
Utah
Our Jesus is better than your Jesus
At least our sheep can't talk
Vermont
Bet ya can't name 2 of our towns
Virginia
Please don't confuse us with West Virginia!
Washington
We like our state, so STAY OUT!
West Virginia
Where "family values" has a different meaning
Wisconsin
Land of funny accents.
Say "Cheeeese"
Wyoming
Where men are lonely and sheep are scared
