There was an old married couple who had lived happily together
for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was
caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every
morning as he awoke.
The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause
her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air.
Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping
such nasty farts. He told her that he couldn't help it. She
begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done, but
the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a
natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as
she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands.
She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he
didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out."
The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the
husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts
out" until one Thanksgiving morning.
Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the turkey.
While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred
to her as to how she might solve her husband's problem. With a
devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl
and quietly walked upstairs before her flatulent husband awoke.
While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and
then gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then
placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear,
pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs
to finish preparing the family meal.
Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal
loud ass-trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling
scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to
the upstairs bathroom.
The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up
as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up
with him, she had finally gotten even!
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
blood stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She
bit her lip to keep from laughing and she asked him what was
wrong.
He said, "Honey, you were right - all those years you warned me
and I didn't listen to you"
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out
one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace
of God and these two fingers... I think I got' em all back in!!!"
