Usually someone of lesser intelligence or of a mentally impaired category. Top choices of wal-mart greeters are usually those with down syndrome, saggy balls, vaginal geriatric bat disease, or work release programs. Typically found at the entrance of wal-marts, and sometimes packing a roll of different colored stickers in which they approach you as if to molest you and whatever item you are carrying and at the last moment... hand extended... a round sticker of random color is stuck on the item you are holding... assaulting it... and labeling it a return or previously paid for item.... running from the wal-mart greeter is usually followed by people with walkie- talkies running after you....
I don't really know of a given example of wal-mart greeter grab a simple roll of already opened toilet paper and walk into any wal-mart.... you'll see one of the above... stalking you like a jilted speed dater on a rape quest. Blind people can even sense a wal-mart greeter by the constant sniffling of runny snot... and the faint odor of cottage cheese.
The wal-mart greeter at our store dripped snot on a radio I was returning and stuck a rainbow of stickers on my 3 yr old. When I tried to walk to the return desk "Bubba" followed my 3 yr old who was crying and asked if she "wanta to see my pokemon pee pee?" I have a lawsuit pending.
The wal-mart greeter at our store dripped snot on a radio I was returning and stuck a rainbow of stickers on my 3 yr old. When I tried to walk to the return desk "Bubba" followed my 3 yr old who was crying and asked if she "wanta to see my pokemon pee pee?" I have a lawsuit pending.
Amazing!
The latest in beer is $765 per bottle and it is bottled in roadkill!
An office manager at Walmart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified --an American, a Russian, an Australian and a Mexican.
He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine who of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked,
"What is the fastest thing you know?"
Dave, the American, replied, "A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head.
There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is
the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian. "Hmm ... let me
see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever
happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very
popular cliche for speed."
He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his
reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on
the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on.
Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought
he had found his man."It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.
Turning to Eleuterio, the Mexican, the fourth and final man, the
interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, "Apter herring
da 3 preybyus ansers sir, et's obyus to me dat
the fastest thing is Diarrhea."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others
were already giggling in their seats...
"Oh, I can expleyn sir,." said Eleuterio. " You see, sir, da ader day
my tummy was peeling bad and so I run so fast to the batrum, but
before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT,
I had alreydi shit in my pants!"
Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart.
The Perfect Wal-Mart Greeter
Dear Hints to Heloise:
I am writing to say what an excellent product I have found Tide to be! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I continue to be amazed at the effectiveness of this wonderful cleaner.
About a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! So I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!
In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Next week when I have time to write, I have some nice things to say about the Hefty bag product as well.
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, “Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart …. Nice children you’ve got there – are they twins?”
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, “Hell no they ain’t, the oldest one, he’s 9 and the younger one, she’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins?…….. Do you really think they look alike?”
“No,” replies the greeter, “I just couldn’t believe you got laid twice!”
Cajun Confession
A married Cajun went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almos' had de affair wid annuder woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Cajun said, "Well, we get undress' and rub together, but den I stop."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Cajun left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Cajun replied, "Yeah fadder, but me..I rub de $50 on de box, and 'cordin' to you, that be de same as puttin' it in."
Thoughts on Aging
Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench.
Ethel said, "You know, Mabel,I've been reading this 'Sex and Marriage' book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm'. Mutual orgasm here and mutual orgasm there. That's all they talk about. Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?"
Mabel thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her head and said, "No, I think we had State Farm."
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, “Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart …. Nice children you’ve got there – are they twins?”
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, “Hell no they ain’t, the oldest one, he’s 9 and the younger one, she’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins?…….. Do you really think they look alike?”
“No,” replies the greeter, “I just couldn’t believe you got laid twice!”
Cajun Confession
A married Cajun went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almos' had de affair wid annuder woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Cajun said, "Well, we get undress' and rub together, but den I stop."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Cajun left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Cajun replied, "Yeah fadder, but me..I rub de $50 on de box, and 'cordin' to you, that be de same as puttin' it in."
Thoughts on Aging
Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench.
Ethel said, "You know, Mabel,I've been reading this 'Sex and Marriage' book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm'. Mutual orgasm here and mutual orgasm there. That's all they talk about. Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?"
Mabel thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her head and said, "No, I think we had State Farm."
How They Can Solve Three Problems at Once
Here is how to do it:
First, Dig a moat the length of the Mexican Border.
Then take the dirt from the moat and use it to raise the levees in New Orleans.
Then put the Florida alligators in the moat.
Poof! Immigration problems are solved, you have levees that will withstand anything, and little children in Florida won't be gator lunch any more.
Now... any other problems you want me to solve?
Here is how to do it:
First, Dig a moat the length of the Mexican Border.
Then take the dirt from the moat and use it to raise the levees in New Orleans.
Then put the Florida alligators in the moat.
Poof! Immigration problems are solved, you have levees that will withstand anything, and little children in Florida won't be gator lunch any more.
Now... any other problems you want me to solve?
Dear Hints to Heloise:
I am writing to say what an excellent product I have found Tide to be! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I continue to be amazed at the effectiveness of this wonderful cleaner.
About a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! So I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!
In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Next week when I have time to write, I have some nice things to say about the Hefty bag product as well.
Community Property
The old man ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.
As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man began to eat his fries, a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine - They were used to sharing everything.
The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."
As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked, "What is it you are waiting for?"
She answered: "THE TEETH."
The old man ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.
As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man began to eat his fries, a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine - They were used to sharing everything.
The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."
As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked, "What is it you are waiting for?"
She answered: "THE TEETH."
