I just need a day with some defined and measurable progress to be called "a good day". Tomorrow I start on a new project. The uncooled detector world continues to grow and needs a lot of help, and so do I. I miss space work, but I believe that it is hopeless to ever work in that area again.
Top tips for Everyday Cheapskates (and idiots)
OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books.
Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't
know.
WHEN reading a book, try tearing out the pages as you read
them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the
pages can later be used for shopping lists.
FOOL other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car
phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to
your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and
mounting the curb.
DRILL a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door.
This will allow you to check that the light goes off when
the door is closed.
SMELL gas? Locate the suspected leak by striking an
ordinary match in every room in the house until a loud
explosion reveals the source of the escaping gas.
AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers
turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked
illegally.
TAKE your trash can to the supermarket with you so that
you can see which items you have recently run out of.
NO TIME for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and
remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
EXPENSIVE hair gels are a con. Marmalade is a much cheaper
alternative, but beware of bees in the summer.
AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF while clumsily slicing vegetables
by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
Texting for Seniors
DYRS – Do You Remember Sex? MWIIACWC – My Wife Is In A Coma, Wanna Cyber?
TVKI – The Viagra’s Kicking In
ITAC – Is This A Computer?
GoL – Grandchild on Lap
N911 – Nurse Alert
420 – Dinner Time
IOMM – I’m Off My Meds
MGIAQ – My Grandson Is A Queer
SYHFUMA – Shove Your Hummel Figurine Up Your Ass
FOLS – Fond of Leathery Skin
DiR – Death In Room
TYDO – Take Your Depends Off
LMIRLABE – Let’s Meet In Real Life At Bob Evans
OSMGISUMWC – One Second, My Grandson Is Setting Up My Web Cam
MPHWHJ – My Parkinsons Helps With Hand Jobs
TCS – The Catheter Stings
WYWM – Will You Wipe Me?
LSMSSCOW – Let’s Spend My Social Security Check On Whores
WMBRB – Watching Matlock, Be Right Back
LDOMC – Lay Down On My Craftmatic
KADC – Knitting A Dildo Cozy
LMG – Lost My Glasses
RU/81 – Are You Over 81?
WSTMO – Willard Scott Turns Me On
PRUN – Prunes
LYWMGUO – Leave Your Wal-Mart Greeter Uniform On
IFTWPA – I Forgot To Wear Panties Again
Golf
Four Insurance executives met at an International convention and decided to play a round of golf. In the middle of the fairway, the phone rang. The British executive pulled out his cell phone from his golf bag, and starts talking. When he finished, he announced to his fellow golfers:” I am so important in my Company that I have to carry my cell phone wherever I go.” A little later another phone rang. The American simply extended his fingers on his right hand and starts talking. When he finished, he informed his fellow golfers that his job was so important, that he could not risk forgetting his cell phone anywhere, so it was implanted in his hand. A little while later another phone rang, and the Swiss executive answered it by standing upright and started talking. When he finished, he announced that his job was so important that his cell phone was implanted in his lips, to enable him to have both hands free while driving. A little while later another phone rang. The Taiwanese executive dropped his golf clubs, ran behind the bushes, dropped his pants, and started squatting. He was gone for quite a while, so the others came looking for him. When they saw him in that position, they remarked: “Sorry, we did not know what you were doing.” He replied: “ It’s OK, I’m just receiving a fax.”
