The trip to Dallas and back was rather uneventful, but the food was wonderful. Had the house specialty (chicken fried steak with white gravy) at the Saltgrass and a BBQ beef brisket sandwich at Dickey's. Great stuff.
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion
for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met
a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would
marry, he thought to himself, She'll never go through with the
marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were
married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down
and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told
her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way
home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked
beans overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk
off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and
ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of
baked beans. All the way home he farted. He farted down one hill
and farted up the next. By the time he arrive home he felt
reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She
exclaimed, Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you
for dinner tonight!. She put a blindfold on him, and led him to
his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to
peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming
on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the
telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she
returned, and she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his
weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a
rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his
napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel
better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and
rriiipppp!. It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled
worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while,
hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned
to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight
to his other let and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner;
the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute
later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear
tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his
promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the
next ten minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his
napkin.
When he heard the phone farewells, he neatly laid his napkin on
his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly,
he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the
dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed
the blindfold and yelled, Surprise!
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated
around the table for his surprise birthday party.
for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met
a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would
marry, he thought to himself, She'll never go through with the
marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were
married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down
and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told
her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way
home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked
beans overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk
off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and
ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of
baked beans. All the way home he farted. He farted down one hill
and farted up the next. By the time he arrive home he felt
reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She
exclaimed, Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you
for dinner tonight!. She put a blindfold on him, and led him to
his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to
peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming
on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the
telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she
returned, and she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his
weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a
rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his
napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel
better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and
rriiipppp!. It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled
worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while,
hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned
to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight
to his other let and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner;
the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute
later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear
tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his
promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the
next ten minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his
napkin.
When he heard the phone farewells, he neatly laid his napkin on
his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly,
he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the
dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed
the blindfold and yelled, Surprise!
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated
around the table for his surprise birthday party.
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?" The grandmother, in her weak, tremulous voice, said "Norma Findlay, Room 302." The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room." After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."
The grandmother said "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news." The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?" The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me shit."
The grandmother said "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news." The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?" The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me shit."
