I was not particularly impressed with Obama's speech last evening. I believe that he has waited too long to speak to us. The claim is that many activities have been going on in the bowels of the gubmint, but he is just now getting around to talking to us- or reassuring us. There are way too many promises that he made during his campaign that are not happening, or not happening fast enough. He claims that they are "in control", but it is hard to believe. He will have to accomplish much more before he will get re-elected for another term. What is REALLY scary is who might run (like Sarah Palin for the Tea Party). I am very close to becoming an independent (i.e. w/o party affiliation), because I cannot believe in any of them. The old adage is proving to be true: "Anybody that is a worthy leader wouldn't want the job of the presidency anyway.".
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What!!" cries the man, "Just because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's bloody heavy."
Amazing comeback at Walmart....
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you've got there - are they twins?"
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins?........ Do you really think they look alike?"
"No," replies the greeter. "I just couldn't believe that someone would have slept with you twice."
I'm a COSTCO-Holic
Shop Til You Drop---Half Your Paycheck
Inside the local Costco, I wander through the concrete-encased shopping park looking for deals on anything and everything I can find. I stare in awe at the sky-high shelves that hold giant containers of discount food items that I use almost everyday. Every time I shop, I purchase more food than the Brady Bunch would need in a month--even if Jan started loading up on carbs and Alice began to binge. Shop Til You Drop---Half Your Paycheck
I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'm a Costcoholic.
It began innocently--a barrel of Hellman's mayonnaise here, a tub of Crisco shortening there. I wasn't hurting anyone with my reasonably-priced bulk item purchases. My consumer reasoning was sound, at least that's what I was convincing myself when I was emptying my debit account at the till.
"Who couldn't use an extra crate of low-sodium Triscuits?" I would justify to myself, as I rolled through the warehouse with a cart the size of a Honda down aisles that could land a Boeing jet. At first, I'd only spend a few hundred dollars on a Costco visit. Pretty conservative I'd say. Sure, I'd only come out of there with a pallet of Caffeine-Free Diet Coke, 24 pairs of white crew socks, and enough sugar-free Trident gum to freshen the breath of everyone in Idaho. I bought more than I would ever need. But it was satisfying, because I knew I was saving money in the long
After a while though, the amazing wholesale "savings" began to overwhelm the logic. I started to buy spices in unhealthy amounts. I purchased gallons of salad dressing, pounds of pitted prunes, and giant tins of Heinz ketchup that could cover a crinkle-cut mountain of wholesale-bought McCain's french fries. What was I doing?
I took out loans so that I could "save" money on bulk beef patties; I sold my home stereo so that I could buy a freezer big enough to hold the crates of cost-friendly corn dogs. I couldn't fit my car in the garage anymore because it was filled with sacks of flour, rice, and corn starch. Corn starch? I barely use enough of the stuff to thicken my gravy, and I already had enough gravy mixes to turn Boston Harbour into a brownish sludge.
My pantry is stuffed with enormous boxes of Cap'n Crunch--enough breakfast cereal to last me until the Cap'n becomes an Adm'ral, and still I can't stop! I don't even eat cereal anymore because the cuts on the roof of my mouth still haven't healed. Instead I have found other uses for the breakfast material that stays crunchy even in milk: hamburger filler, drain rock, land fill.
What is this consumer lure that snags me like a fingernail on a pair of nylons, and reels me into Costco like the gumboot on the end of a fishing hook? Why do I buy more condiments than a small restaurant franchise? Will my teeth fall out before I empty that tank of Colgate toothpaste? Will I ever be able to finish all those baby dills that came in that jar large enough to pickle Julia Child? I have so many more Costco shopping woes to talk about, but I just realized that I'm out of cookie dough, and there just happens to be a huge stock of the drums of Pillsbury Choco-Chip Batter going on right now...
