So it appears as though Breitbart cannot be held responsible for Sharrod's reputation or lost job, since apologies flew in all directions and she has been offered her job back. She said that she is going to sue him though (and he deserves it), but I'm not quite sure what she could sue him for.
Money
It can buy a House
But not a Home
It can buy a Bed
But not Sleep
It can buy a Clock
But not Time
It can buy you a Book
But not Knowledge
It can buy you a Position
But not Respect
It can buy you Medicine
But not Health
It can buy you Blood
But not Life
So you see money isn't everything.
And it often causes pain and suffering.
I tell you this because I am your Friend,
and as your Friend I want to take away
your pain and suffering!
So send me all your money and I will suffer for you!
Cash only please.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her
trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found
shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally
unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the
local Target.
Dear Mrs. Wilson,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and
have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our
complaints against your husband, Mr. Wilson, are listed below
and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them
in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off
at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and
receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted
with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and
costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag
of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring
pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which
twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he
began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me
alone?' EMTs were called.
9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and
used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S
THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least_:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no
toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
If you don't send this to 12 of your dearest friends, your
property taxes will go up, your stocks will go down, and your
middle will spread. (How's that for a curse?!?) What? It's
already come true? Then send it anyway--you've got nothing' to
lose!
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and
have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our
complaints against your husband, Mr. Wilson, are listed below
and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them
in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off
at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and
receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted
with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and
costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag
of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring
pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which
twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he
began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me
alone?' EMTs were called.
9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and
used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S
THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least_:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no
toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
If you don't send this to 12 of your dearest friends, your
property taxes will go up, your stocks will go down, and your
middle will spread. (How's that for a curse?!?) What? It's
already come true? Then send it anyway--you've got nothing' to
lose!
How to tell where the driver is from:
•One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago •One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York
•One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California. With gun in lap: Riverside
•Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
•Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy
•One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle
•One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonald's bag out the window: Texas male
•One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rattail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas female
•Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna, cousin/spouse in passenger seat: Arkansas
•Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida.
Daddy's little girl
The farm had been mortgaged to give their daughter a university education. Now, driving home from the station after meeting her off the train, farmer Johnson was greatly disturbed when his daughter whispered, "I have a confession to make, Dad - I ain't a virgin no more." The old man shook his head sadly. "After all the sacrifices your Mum and I made to give you a good university education, you still say 'ain't'!" 
