Can you believe that Hyundai has a car for $65K ? I wonder what it would bring after it was a year old.....
I managed to get a "code" and I'm a bit stuffed up. The push is on to get everyone a flu shot, but I don't want to be their Beta-tester. Every season some small percentage of people have a reaction- usually a permanent reaction. I figure if everyone around me gets one, there won't be anyone to catch it from!
The weather changed again. I guess I was expecting to get more summer weather in fall, but it doesn't look like it is going to happen...
A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says.
The two Englishmen just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?"
The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?"
No response,
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language...."
"Why?" says the other,
"That bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."
Why it’s nice to be a dog…
No one expects you to take a bath every day.
Your friends never expect you to pay for lunch, dinner, or anything else for that matter.
When it’s raining, you can lie around the house all day and never worry about being fired.
If it itches, you can reach it.
And, no matter what itches, no one is offended if you scratch it in public.
You can wear a fur coat and no one thinks you’re insensitive.
If you grow hair in weird places, no one notices.
You never get in trouble for putting your head in a stranger’s lap.
Having big feet is considered an asset.
If you gain weight, it’s someone else’s fault.
No one tells you to wipe your nose because it’s wet.
No matter where you live, you own the place.
Your mate never complains because you whine.
Puppy love can last.
The Benefits of Growing Older
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
3. It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
4. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
7. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
8. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
9. Things you buy now won't wear out.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
12 Lines to Get Out of Jury Duty
1. I can tell if people are guilty just by looking at them.2. I am really attracted to you, Your Honor.
3. If a police officer told me I was a bug, I'd believe him
4. I think laws are for sissies.
5. Would I have to bathe?
6. Can each of my personalities vote in the deliberation?
7. My religion specifically prohibits me from sitting near other people.
8. Your Marshall's handcuffs are turning me on.
9. A pit bull named [defendant's first name] just killed my baby.
10. I have Tourette's syndrome, you %&#@&%@ %#@&#$%.
11. I get dizzy if I try to weigh evidence.
12. An eye for an eye. I say we take his head for an eye (point at defendant).
