Last night we rented "The Spy Next Door" and "Ninja Assassin". The first was REALLY for kids (we didn't know) and the second was really bloody, but once you were past that, the story was pretty good. Tonight, we have "Hachi".
I took Max for a walk today and it was directly into the wind- a big mistake. He was a bit smarter and closed his eyes and then ran into a bush. He is pretty tired of this, as well. It is REALLY very lucky that we don't have anyplace left to burn, because if a fire started, the wind would definitely be a much bigger problem that it has been.
The Geography of a Woman
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia.
She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with
bushland around the fertile deltas.
Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan.
Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade
especially with countries with cash or cars.
Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very
hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.
Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina.
She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be
a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She
lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive
reconstruction is now necessary.
Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very
wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the
frigid climate keeps people away.
Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia.
With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.
After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows
where it is, but no one wants to go there.
The Geography of a Man
Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled by a
dick.
The Reverend Francis Norton...
woke up Sunday morning and, realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."
Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"
The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
The White Lie Cake
Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this--especially all of the ladies who bake for church events.
Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.
She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp.
But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake."
This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of new friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.
Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet paper & newspaper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect!
Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy that cake and bring it home.
When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her Mom. Alice was horrified. She couldn't imagine what had gone wrong. Alice was beside herself. Everyone would know, what would they think? "Oh, my," she wailed! She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed. All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.
The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would attended the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend and try to have a good time. Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP 'd she could not think of a believable excuse to stay home.
The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South. Then, to Alice's horror, the CAKE in question was presented for dessert.
Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake. She started out of her chair to rush to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!"
Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself."
Alice smiled and thought to herself, "GOD is good."
