Comparative Religions:
Taoism Shit happens
Confucianism Confucius say, 'Shit happens'
Buddhism Shit happening is an illusion
Islam Shit happening is the will of Allah
Zen What is the sound of shit happening
Hinduism This shit happened before
Protestant Let shit happen to someone else
Catholicism Shit happens because you don't work hard enough
Judaism Why does this shit always happen to us?
Christian Science If shit happens, pray and it will go away
Atheism Shit happens for no reason
Agnostic Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't
Hare Krishna Shit happens, shit happens, shit-shit happens
Stoicism So shit happens. I can take it
Scientology Feces occurs
Rastafarianism Let's smoke this shit and see what happens
Jehovah Witness Let us in and we'll tell you why shit happens
Greeting cards are getting expensive, so why not design your very own Hallmark Moment with some these sayings:
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell till I met you."
"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:
What the heck was I thinking?"
"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."
"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me.
Like the need for therapy..."
"Thanks for being a part of my life! I never new what evil was before this!"
"Money is tight, times are hard, here's your @#$/& Christmas card!!!"
"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."
"Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with breasts that are bigger than mine."
"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."
"The holidays are a great time to be with family. Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating bastard!"
You Might Be A Redneck
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You own a homemade fur coat.
The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
