A new way to avoid any .08 alcohol issues while driving...
I went out with some friends last night and tied one on.
Knowing that I was wasted, I did something that I have never done before. I took a bus home.
I arrived home safe and warm, which seemed really surprising as I have never driven a bus before.
10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should:
1. AQUADEXTROUS - adj. Possessing the ability to turn the
bathroom faucet on and off with your toes.
2. CARPERPETUATION - n. The act, when vacuuming, of running
over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching
over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down
to give the vacuum one more chance.
3. DISCONFECT - v. To sterilize a piece of candy you dropped
on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow
"remove" all the germs.
4. ELBONICS - n. The actions of two people maneuvering for
one armrest in a movie theater (airplane).
5. FRUST - n. The small line of debris that refuses to be
swept onto the dust pan and keep backing a person across the room
until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
6. LACTOMANGULATION - n. Manhandling the "open here" spout
on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the
"illegal" side.
7. PEPPIER - n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole
purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want
ground pepper.
8. PHONESIA - n. The affliction of dialing a phone number
and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
9. PUPKUS - n. The moist residue left on a window after a
dog presses its nose to it.
10. TELECRASTINATION - n. The act of always letting the phone
ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only
six inches away.
___________________
