-----So I got myself started on Palin (again) today. She sure has a lot to say. Her interpretation of what Obama promised is certainly different than what I interpreted and expected. I know she is not going to just go away (like Meg [pregnant pause here as I try to remember her name] Whitman, and I know that the Tea Party is counting on her verboseness to tip the odds, but sometimes I wish she would just stifle her comments long enough for Obama to finish what he starts.
-----If you are interested in the Nativity Story, but brought up to current times and told on social media, check this out...
-----I shudder to think that our children's health has been detrimentally effected by progress- in particular the highway system. There is now a study trying to link autism to living in close proximity to the highway. How sad...
THE PASTOR'S CAT
Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about the pastor of his church. He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc.
The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten.
That's what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car. He then figured if he went just a little bit farther, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved the car a little farther forward, the rope broke.
The tree went 'boing!' and the kitten instantly sailed through the air - out of sight.
The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they'd seen a little kitten. No, nobody had seen a stray kitten. So he prayed, 'Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping,' and went on about his business.
A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. This woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her,
'Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?'
She replied, 'You won't believe this', and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl, 'Well, if God
gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it.' She told the pastor, 'I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in front of her.'
At the retirement center 80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces," Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out his answer, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.. I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist' s desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
The room erupted in applause!
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'
'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'
Meanest Dog...
A man wants a new guard dog. So he goes out and buys the biggest, meanest, badass guard dog the neighbors have ever seen. He then proceeds to post "beware of Dog" signs all around his yard. A few days later he gets a knock on his door. He can't figure how anyone got past his dog, but he opens the door to see a little old lady. She says I'm sorry but my dog just killed your dog.
What??? What the hell kind of dog do you have?
A Chihuahua
How the hell did a Chihuahua kill my dog?
I think he got caught in it's throat...
English -I Love You
Spanish -Te Amo
French -Je T'aime
German -Ich Liebe Dich
Japanese -Ai Shite Imasu
Italian -Ti Amo
Chinese -Wo Ai Ni
Swedish -Jag Alskar Dig
Lithuanian -As Tave Meliu
Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Florida, Mississippi , Kentucky, North Carolina, West Virginia, Alpine Ca. La Mesa Ca. -Nice boobs, Get in the Truck.
