American Dreaming...[Jeff Toogood]
Having reached the ripe age of old (I read that between 55 and 60 is 'old'; over 60 and it's 'aged'), I have convinced myself that the short journey from childhood to old-hood can be reached using the following life-plan. This distilled wisdom comes not from Fidelity or Kinecta financial planners, but from lessons learned and congealed into a simple set of steps (much like the pint on my night-stand and the blood in my arteries.)
1. Save your hard earned money for retirement, old age.
Don't have any money left over from your sustenance pay check?
2. Get an education for a better job.
Not clever enough to last four years?
3. Learn a trade--preferably one not dominated by foreign workers working for sustenance pay.
Not trainable or suffer from short attention span?
4. Buy lottery tickets with money collecting aluminum cans.
This track has its risks: divorce, bankruptcy after over-spending, addiction of (take your pick), long lost friends and relatives begging for money they feel entitled to. However, if you win, then the glow of the once-in-a lifetime thrill will be your reward.
Never a winner?
5. Work for the government.
This final stop-gap solution has generations of successful examples (e.g.. Bush, Kennedy). As a civil servant, your pride is the only casualty. To compensate, the unions and governing body has ensured that all categories of personal financial misfortune are covered providing you are willing to 'dumb down' and learn the ropes of political life. Whether it is president of the United States or janitor at the local elementary school, all risks associated with a capitalistic economy are absent. You are no longer a citizen, you are a member of the government!
Hopefully this concise and useful summary of how to survive the American dream helps.
The Goldberg Brothers
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours, and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls.
So, now you know...
Jose and Carlos are panhandling at the freeway off ramp each holding a sign.
Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day.
Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every
day. Jose says, "Look at your sign."
I HAVE NO WORK, A WIFE AND 6 KIDS TO SUPPORT.
"Now look at mine." Carlos looks at Jose's sign.
I ONLY NEED ANOTHER $10.00 TO MOVE BACK TO MEXICO.
