IT HAS BEGUN! First, I warned about the security of Facebook. Today's news is that Zuckerberg's Facebook page was hacked. The fact is that someone put something on his page. They could have just as easily raided it for information. Secondly, I warned that it was expected that Facebook was going to start selling information gained on their user pages. According to the news, it has begun, as well. It won't be long before the WRONG INFORMATION is inadvertently released to advertisers or a hacker sells the information. Security on Facebook is of utmost importance and the highest risk for users....
Ancient History Explained...
A team of archaeologists found a slab of rock with 5 figures carved on it, in order:
A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David.
After months of study, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were thousands of years old but even so, they revealed a lot about the people of that time.
The woman being placed first in the line of figures showed that women were held in very high esteem - most likely a family oriented culture.
They probably used the donkey to till the fields.
The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools.
The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea.
The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious group of people.
A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker.
When acknowledged he said, "I'm sorry to blow your conclusions but you were reading it left to right. In Hebrew we read from right to left.
That way it reads, "Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Chick!"
Oh crap... A Canadian Air Force C-130 was scheduled to leave Goose Bay, Labrador Air Base, at midnight during a winter month. During the pilot's pre-flight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.
The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the aircraft only to find that the latrine pump-truck has been left outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as not to risk criticism later.
As he's leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, 'Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I'm going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded but punished.'
Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands tall and says, 'Sir, with all due respect, I'm not your son; I'm an Airman in the Canadian Air Force. I've been in Goose Bay, Labrador for 11 months without any leave, and reindeers' asses are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe; it's 2:30 in the morning; the temperature is 40 degrees below zero; and my job here is to pump shit out of an aircraft. Now just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?'
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.) They Walk Among Us!
They Walk Among Us!
Dumb as a box of Rocks
A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF REPRESENTATION WE HAVE IN CONGRESS,TRUE STORY:
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'
'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''
Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'
'Twas The Month After Christmas
'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse;
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste,
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist;
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber),
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared,
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared;
The wine and the rum balls;
The bread and the cheese,
And the way I'd never said,
"No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt,
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt,
I said to myself, as only I can,
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"
So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
'Til all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie - not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore,
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
