Odie ?

Our new pup (Max is a three year old rescue [we're not sure whom rescued whom]) is sure funny.  He comes into the kitchen and walks in circles when it is time for him to be fed.  When we put on a jacket, or put on "tennies", or mention "walk" or pick up his harness and leash and he begins to whine and jump up and down.  He REALLY likes to walk.  When we do take him for a walk, he likes to pee on almost every bush we pass.  Soon we think he is peeing plasma,  because he couldn't hold that much pee.  Lately, when he needs to do his "binness", he first walks funny [like Charlie Chaplin], and then hangs his behind in a bush while he goes!  He makes it purt-near impossible to pick up after.  We joked and figured that he is so small that he probably doesn't have room for dinner and poop simultaneously, so which ever comes first, the other is soon after.


All kidding aside, he a lovable and well behaved pup.  It is certainly unfortunate that he doesn't know that he is a small dog and postures himself Napoleon-like to every dog or cat we encounter.  It isn't until the other animal presents himself in a sub-posture and all the sniffing has completed that Max calms down.


It is certainly an adventure for us while he is walking us....

Deep Thoughts Contest
From a newspaper contest where entrants were asked to imitate
"Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey" (Saturday Night Live)

THIRD RUNNER UP

I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine
that the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only
source of water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake
gets drier, the population gets more desperate, and sometimes
there are water riots. Once there was a big fire and everyone
died.
--

SECOND RUNNER UP

I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm."
Unless it was just a lawn mower.
--

FIRST RUNNER UP

I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to
myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly,
I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the
national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the
constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the
country that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a
copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found
many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic
table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp
with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts.

WINNER

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize
world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be
until the looting started.

 

A man was dining in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to speak to her.

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said as she popped her eye back in place...

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she said.

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterward went to the theatre and later had drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his.. She listened.

After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Do you treat every guy you meet this way?'

'No,' she replied. . .

'You just happened to catch my eye...'