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Thank goodness we are now passed the Ides of March. Yesterday was not good, as all hell broke loose in Texas over the weekend. We are trying to put the pieces back together today still.
Meanwhile, I see in the Times that Verizon FIOS is assaulting the market- heavily. The bad publicity of Times-Warner raising their prices again will certainly cause consumers to jump to the other service. I wish there was some competition here....
I just heard that ATK is laying off another twenty former Mission Research people. Too bad, they were a good crew. Good luck to 'em.
Meanwhile the city of Santa Barbara sits back and contemplates what they can do to attract tourists, the only industry left around here. Remember those Australian tourists that were turned away from every motel they stopped at in ole SB because they only wanted a one night stay, and they all had minimum two or more nights. What will the motels do when the tourists stop coming here because it is not a nice place to visit anymore ? We, unfortunately, are about to face a serious downturn in quality-of-life here because the "spending" public will be moving away to where there are jobs. Can anyone remember the last new houses or businesses that were built in SB ?? How about the last company that moved here and brought their employees with them ?
Father Joseph went up to Father Patrick one afternoon and said,
"I am sick of all this clean living. Tonight let's you and me go
out and party. We'll carouse, drink, whatever we want."
Patrick was shocked. "Are you crazy? This is a small town and
everyone knows us. Besides, even if they didn't, they would see
our clothes and know we were priests."
Joe was ready for this. "Don't be silly. We won't stay in town,
we'll go into the city where nobody knows us, and we'll dress
just like anyone else."
In the end, he managed to persuade Patrick, and they went out
that night and partied like professionals.
When they got back home at 5:00 AM, Patrick's face became pale.
"I just thought of something," he said. "We have to confess
this."
Again, Joe was ready. "Relax, I told you I thought this all out
in advance. Tomorrow, you go into church and into the
confessional. I will come in my regular clothes and confess, and
you absolve me. Then I'll go put on my garments, you come in and
confess, and I'll absolve you."
Patrick was amazed at Joe's brilliance.
So Joseph went in later that morning and said, "Father forgive
me, for I have sinned. My friend and I, we're both young men, and
last night we went out and caroused. We became drunk, had carnal
knowledge of prostitutes, used foul language, and danced to
wicked music."
Patrick answered, "God is patient and forgiving, and thus shall I
be. Do five Our Fathers and five Hail Marys, and you will be
absolved of your sin."
A while later, their places were reversed as Patrick came in and
confessed everything in detail. There was a short pause, and
Joseph answered,
"I don't believe this. And you dare to call yourself a priest?
You will do 500 Our Fathers, 500 Hail Marys, donate all your
money to the church, and go around the church 500 times on your
knees praying for God's forgiveness. Then come back and we'll
discuss absolution, but I make no guarantees."
"What? " Father Patrick was shocked. "What about our agreement?"
Joe replied, "Hey, what I do on my time off is one thing, but I
take my job seriously."
There once was a successful rancher who died and left everything
to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch and
make a go of it, but she knew very little about ranching, so she
decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied,
she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to
have him around the house than the drunk.
He turned out to be a fantastic worker, worked long hard hours
every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of
them worked, and the ranch was doing really well.
Then one day the rancher's wife said to the hired hand, "You have
done a really good job and the ranch looks great, you should go
into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand agreed readily,
and Saturday night went to town.
However, one o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and
no hired hand, finally two thirty, in came the hired hand. The
rancher's wife was sitting by the fireplace and quietly called
him over to her.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she asked.
"Now take off my boots."
He did so, slowly.
"Now take off my socks."
He did.
"Now take off my skirt."
He did.
"Now take off my bra."
Again with trembling hands he did as she asked.
"Now," she said, "take off my panties."
He slowly pulled them down.
Then she looked at him and said,
"Don't you ever wear my clothes to town again!!"
