Only one more week of work and I'm off for the balance of the year. I'm sure it will go by very quickly. I do have a list of the places and activities that I would like to do while I'm off, but I'm also sure that they will become O.B.E. (overcome by events)...
Polite Insults
1. When the bar closes he helps turn off the lights. 2. On the wall of his life there will be only one shadow.
3. When you enter an empty room the average IQ of both rooms raises a lot.
4. His arrival is like a new dandelion in the yard.
5. Most of what you do is almost adequate.
6. Most of the time you look like you know what you are not doing.
7. You and the truth have never been friends.
8. If you and I were the last people on earth, a solo trip of Europe would be a fine idea to me.
9. You have to be discrete with him, the truth just makes him look bad.
10. You have the appeal of a pet mouse found deceased in a closet a few days too late.
11. It is unfortunate the path you life has taken.
And my favorite not too polite;
12. After seeing how you turned out, I now regret not having using a condom back then.
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,....
"Rest in Peace."
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,... 'Congratulations on your new location!'
Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree.
They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered.
They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!"
