One item that we noticed as DIFFERENT in Georgia and South Carolina was that most (if not all) public restrooms did not provide Lobster Bibs[sic] (seat covers). Most (if not all) were not very clean, either (but that's another story). It is an unusual item to note, but we did. Another idiosyncrasy about the South is that is was extremely difficult to find unsweetened tea. Whether in restaurant or mini-mart or market: the item that sells there is Sweet tea", which everybody carries.
Riding bikes, even if they were single speed, fat tire Huffy's, in Charleston was definitely a challenge. The city does not have and bike paths or special lanes on the streets. They also don't have places to lockup a bike. I was going to use a street sign and a chain with a lock, but was warned that I might get ticketed. Then I attempted to use a tree on the sidewalk and was warned about that. Eventually we decided to just plead ignorant and use a power pole. We did not get ticketed, but we didn't see but a handful of bikes locked up either. They are currently in a transitional period in their support of alternate transportation.
Tell me honestly: Would you want a person for governor that has spent $145 millions on her campaign and is just EVEN with her opponent that only spent $40 millions on his campaign ???
You've probably heard of "deja vu," the illusion of having
previously experienced a situation that is happening now. Here
are some related expressions
Feel like I've...
...milked this cow before: deja moo
...seen this strange animal before: deja gnu
...smelled this bad odor before: deja phew
...visited this menagerie before: deja zoo
...scared this person away before: deja boo
...read this mystery book before: deja clue
...been in this courtroom before: deja sue
...felt this bad before: deja rue
...felt this sad before: deja blue
...expanded this way before: deja grew
...learned this stuff before: deja knew
...waited in line before: deja queue
...eaten this dinner before: deja stew
...forgotten this your name before: deja who
...seen these twins before: deja two
...used this beer recipe before: deja brew
...been on this airplane before: deja flew
...fed these pigeons before: deja coo
...sketched this portrait before: deja drew
...ended this relationship before: deja through
...felt this ill before: deja flu
...sat through this sermon before: deja pew
...admired this scenery before: deja ooo
...exposed the real facts before: deja true
Old Butch
John was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming,would run for cover.
To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully this fall... the bells are not always audible.
A man from Arkansas won a toilet brush as the booby prize in a local raffle.
He had never won anything before, so he was delighted.
A few weeks later his friend Billi-Bob asked if he was getting much use from the toilet brush.
"Well," came the reply, "I don't think much of it. I think I'll go back to using toilet paper."
A pirate and his parrot, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into rum!" The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances
The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment spoke: "Now yee've done it!! Now we're goon to have to pee in the boat!"
A young man is captured by pirates and is persuaded to join the crew rather than walk the plank. After a few weeks at sea the captain speaks to the man and asks him how he is getting on. The man replies that on the whole he is enjoying things - the rum-soaked drinking binges, the plundering, etc - but there was one thing missing.
"What's that?" asks the captain.
"Well, there are no women" replies the man.
"Arrr" says the captain "Follow me!" The man follows the captain to what appears to be a barrel, on top of the barrel stands a coconut with a face drawn on and a few strands of wispy straw for hair. On the barrel is a crude outline of a woman's body and between the legs is a bung hole. "We calls her Carmen," says the captain, "and you may take her as you will". The man explains that he was unlikely to make use of her and goes on his way.
However, as the months go by with no respite, Carmen appears more and more attractive to the young man. Finally he can resist her no longer and the man has his wicked way with Carmen the rum barrel. To his amazement the experience is far more satisfying than he could ever have imagined!
The next day the captain greets him again. "How did you get on with Carmen then, lad?" he asks eagerly. The man replies "Rather better than I thought... actually, it was rather good!"
"Good," says the captain, a great beaming smile splitting his black-bearded face. "It's your turn in the barrel tomorrow!"
A little boy dresses up as a pirate for halloween. He has a bit of a speech impediment. The first house he goes to he says, "I'm a birate. This is my barrot. Can I have some bandy?" The woman looks at him and says, "My my aren't you cute. But where are your buccaneers?" The boy looks are her angrily and says "On the side of my buckin head you buckin dumass."
