Punctually!

Will Lindsay do more time ?  One can only ask yourself whether she would be in this predicament again, if she had been allowed to finish her original jail sentence.....   Off she goes to another jail sentence- probably to be let out too soon once again....Best to leave her in there until she has REALLY dried out this time.


Today is Punctuation Day!  Let's celebrate emphatically!!  Use a comma or exclamation or period that you wouldn't normally, because you should!

What happened to "the customer is always right"?  My wife has ordered a dress and returned it twice because it was not what was advertised. The low-lives and barely-can-talks that she had to deal with on the phone were so bad that she will not do business with that company again.  I hope the REALLY believe they saved money on their customer non-service....

Don't mess with mothers....

My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.

Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The "Children's Bill of Rights."

It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.

I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.

I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
get tattoos from head to toe.

And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.

Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.

Don't preach about your morals,
like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!

Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
better know as C.S.D.

Of course my first instinct was
to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.

Next day I took him shopping
at the local Goodwill Store.
I told him, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.

I've called and checked with C.S.D.
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.

I've canceled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best.

I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.

Just save the raging appetite,
and wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine.

He asked ""Can I please rent a movie,
to watch on my VCR?
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.

I also rented out your room,
you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof over your head.

Your clothing won't be trendy now,
I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.

I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the "Parents Bill of Rights,"
It's in effect today!

Hey hot shot, are you crying,
why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D..?

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON..

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.

"You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow said. "Just look at you! You have no legs!"

The old gentleman smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"
"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted. Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed??"

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?

The wedding is scheduled for Saturday. 

 After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an
 old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city . In one
 of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever
 having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at
 him, 'How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy.' He bought the
 mirror thinking it was a picture of his daddy, but on the way home
 he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in
 the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he
 would go there and look at it. His wife began to get suspicious of
 these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she
 searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the
 glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around
 with.'

Joe asks for 6 months of retraining for 'Cattle Guards'!
CATTLE GUARDS, THIS IS ABOUT AS GOOD AS THEM WANTING TO CHANGE THE LAW OF PHYSICS!

For those of you who have never traveled to the west, or southwest, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed at fence openings, in dug-out places in the roads adjacent to highways (sometimes across highways), to prevent cattle from crossing over that area.  For some reason the cattle will not step on the "guards," probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails.

A few months ago, President Obama received and was reading a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards in  Colorado.  The Colorado ranchers had protested his proposed changes in grazing policies, so he ordered the Secretary of the Interior to fire half of the cattle guards immediately!
Before the Secretary of the Interior could respond and presumably try to straighten President Obama out on the matter, Vice-President Joe Biden, intervened with a request that...before any cattle guards were fired, they be given six months of retraining for Arizona border guards.  'Times are hard', said Joe Biden, 'it's only fair to the cattle guards and their families!'

And these two guys are running our country, OMG!