Have I said yet recently how much I hate banks ?? After my recent trip to Eagle Rock to secure a lease for a house for Tori and two other girls for her senior year at Occidental, the landlord expressed his wishes that the rent be paid with ONE check. Tori volunteered to get a checking account and the other two girls can make deposits. One of the other girls volunteered to handle the utilities by having the remainder deposit one check into her account. Tori and I surveyed which banks were conveniently located in the area, you see we do all of our banking business through credit unions. We like the kinder and gentler approach that credit unions take to their members.
Upon returning home, we decided which bank brand we would open an account in. Avoiding BofA (which I won't do business with) and my distaste of Chase, we chose CitiBank.
We entered the local branch and proceeded to the New Accounts desk. It is a good thing that the lights were on in the bank, because this poor woman was "lights-out, nobody home"!
We told her that Tori needed a student checking account. She offered up an all in one that allowed bill paying, had an ATM card that was also debit, a credit card and a savings account. We repeated that we only needed a checking account.
I told her that I was prepared to put $50 into the account to open it. She continued down the path of no return for an all-in-one account. She asked for ID and Tori supplied student card and driver's license. The woman looked closely at both. Then she said, what school are you going to...
The reply was that we gave you an ID from Occidental. Don't you think that that is where I am attending? What is you address, she said. We replied that is the same as on the driver's license. Then she said that the opening deposit would be $200.
What I said, your website clearly says that the opening deposit can be as small as $0... even though I was putting $50 in. She said, then we'll need $100 in order to put $50 in the savings account. We then both said, we only need a checking account. At this point we were not only getting frustrated, but feeling sorry for the woman. We decided that we would just open both accounts and then close the savings account after the fact.
Now that we had confirmed why (again) we hate banks. The woman told us that the charge for the checks would be taken out of the account, $25. How outrageous for 120 checks. If this was going to be a busy account, we would have probably left by now and told the woman where to stick her account. As I said, we began to feel sorry for her.
Never again will we do business at a bank unless it is absolutely necessary- and we will certainly not order checks from them, or believe their website claims.
Dear mum,
I am writing you this note to say that I haven't been honest to you lately.
I have a boyfriend, his name is Dragon and he lives in a trailer in the woods he wears biker clothes and deals Ecstasy.
I am moving in with him and I am four months pregnant.
His friends will come over all the time so I can get a little frisky with them.
We will make a living out of growing drugs and selling them to Dragons friends as are both already drug addicts, we will live a life of drugs beer and all the sex.
Wish us luck
Katie
P.S.
I am at the neighbors house, all of the above was a lie I just wanted to let you know there are worse things in life than my report card which is in the top drawer.
Xx
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek.
She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,
"God's getting better at it, isn't he?"
Some of the artists of the 60s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers. They include:
Bobby Darin:
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash
Herman's Hermits:
Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker
Ringo Starr:
I Get By With a Little Help From Depends
The Bee Gees:
How Can You Mend a Broken Hip
Roberta Flack:
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
Johnny Nash:
I Can't See Clearly Now
Paul Simon:
Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
The Commodores:
Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom
Marvin Gaye:
Heard It Through the Grape Nuts
Procol Harem:
A Whiter Shade of Hair
Leo Sayer:
You Make Me Feel Like Napping
The Temptations:
Papa's Got a Kidney Stone
Abba:
Denture Queen
Tony Orlando:
Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall
Helen Reddy:
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore
Leslie Gore:
It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To
And last but not least:
Willie Nelson:
On the Commode Again
Quirks About Life You Notice By The Time You Are Fifty
Most people deserve each other.
All the good ones, no matter what it is, are taken.
The one who snores will fall asleep first.
The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the wedding.
The gifts you buy your spouse are never as good as the gifts your neighbor buys their spouse.
If you help a relative in need, he/she will remember you the next time they are in need.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with.
Toothaches always start on Friday night right before the weekend when the Dental Office will be closed.
