Sarah Palin (now copyrighted) will be here in Santa Barbara tonight to speak at the 100th birthday celebration of Ronald Reagan at his Ranch Foundation. She is going to bend words around the idea that America's successes are ONLY because of Reagan's policies. Give me a break. Tomorrow night Dick Cheney is coming to continue the week of celebration. The cops have their hands full as the town is filled with visitors and celebrities for the International Film Festival. My wife wanted to know if we were going to go hear her speak. I was shocked she would ask. I wouldn't waste my time on Alaska's visionary (Remember she can see Russia from Wasilla!).
The following are supposedly actual English subtitles used in films from Hong Kong:
· I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
· Gun wounds again?
· Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
· A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
· Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.
· This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your toenails and leave them out on the dessert floor for ants to eat.
· Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
· I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
· I will surround their house by myself.
· Beat him out of recognizable shape!
· Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your doctor for a thorough extermination.
· I have been scared silly too much lately.
· I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
· Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
· The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
· How can you use my intestines as a gift?
· Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some butt of the giant lizard person.
· Your western eyes will be fingered from your face.
· The Americans will not save you for Christmas.
· Feeling sexual we will invade into your women.
· You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a
roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal,
they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty
minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses..
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive.
The more he chided her, the more agitated he became.
He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant..
As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card."
A former Sergeant, having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher.
Just before the school year started he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.
The smart-aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.
When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest.
He had no trouble with discipline that year.... !!
