The Top 20 ways to say "Your Fly Is Open"
20) The cucumber has left the salad.
19) I can see the gun of Navarone.
18) Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
17) You've got Windows in your laptop.
16) Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.
15) Your soldier ain't so unknown now.
14) Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bell.
13) Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...
12) You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
11) Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
10) Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
9) Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
8) Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
7) The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
6) Dr. Kimble has escaped!
5) You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
4) Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...
3) You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2) I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO TELL SOMEONE THEIR FLY IS UNZIPPED...
1) I thought you were crazy; now I see your nuts
A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, as you would, "How much is Barbie?"
"Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
"Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"Yeah, well, it's like this ... Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture ..."
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "LOW BRIDGE AHEAD". Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got your truck stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
Why ENGLISH is so hard to learn
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
The Wedding
Before Chelsea's wedding last Saturday...
Hillary wanted to play the perfect Mom.
She asked Chelsea... "have you had sex with Marc?"
Chelsea said.... "Not according to Dad"!
