If any one of you have read that there are no longer any lemon cars being sold: don't forget about the Toyota's that won't stop, the Volts that catch fire, the cars that degrade their mileage by 50%, et cetera. Cars ARE better but they are 1000% more complicated, and therefore have much more opportunity for failure.
Have you ever noticed how strange news stories appear when there is a "quiet" day without much to say? Some of them are pretty arbitrary, such as the one that states that lemon cars are no longer sold. I think that I would appreciate a day where the newspaper or news website just states, "We don't have any news today, sorry.". Wouldn't that be just absolutely amazing?
At last a blonde male joke.
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blonde haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you walking around like this?"
The cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff .....
I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants... So I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy.'
And here I am."
Son of a Gun. Blonde Men do exist!
In a party a General proudly said that he did "it" 10 times with his
wife on his wedding night
Brigadier next to him said he did it 6 times before going to sleep 1st night
Colonel claimed he did it 4 times on his first night
All turned towards a young Captain and asked how many times did he do on
his wedding night
Captain replied: Only once sir
General laughed and asked WHY??
Captain replied: My wife wasn't used to it Sir!!!!
Bob is unemployed and applies for a job as a janitor at Microsoft. A manager at Human Resources interviews him in detail then asks him to wipe a few floors as a test.
"OK," says the interviewer, "you're hired. Just give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the necessary documents."
Bob says that he doesn't have a computer, so obviously has no e-mail address. The Microsoft interviewer tells him that without an e-mail address he virtually doesn't exist, so the company is unable to hire him.
Disappointed and frustrated, Bob leaves the building with only 10 dollars in his pocket. He decides to go to the nearest supermarket and buy 10 pounds of tomatoes. He sells the tomatoes door-to-door and within two hours has doubled his capital. He repeats the process three times and ends up with 160 dollars.
Realizingthat he can make a living this way, Bob works hard from early morning to late at night. Every day, he doubles or even triples his capital. After a short time, he buys a small van, then a truck, and soon he has an entire fleet for his deliveries.
Within 5 years, Bob has established one of the largest food retail chains in the USA. He decides to think about his future and wants to get a financial plan drawn up for himself and his family. He contacts a financial consultant and they compile a pension plan. At the end of the discussion, the consultant asks Bob for his e-mail address in order to send him the corresponding documents, only to hear that Bob still does not own a computer and has no e-mail address.
"That's weird," says the consultant. "You have built up a massive retail empire and you don't even have an e-mail address. Just imagine what you would have achieved if you'd had a computer."
Bob thinks for a minute, then says: "I'd be a janitor at Microsoft."
A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown Denver , Colorado , and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.
The clerk pulled up the file and read, "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private regions, then
apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. The annual salary is $65,000, and you'll have to go to Billings, Montana ."
"Good grief, is that where the job is?"
"No sir -- that's where the end of the line is right now!"
Terms to know
TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches. DIVORCE -- postgraduate in School of Love.
PIONEER -- early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.
PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened.
SWIMMING POOL -- a mob of people with water in it.
SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut.
SALESMAN -- man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink.
CANNIBAL -- person who likes to see other people stewed.
EGOCENTRIC -- a person who believes he is everything you know you are.
FOREIGN FILM -- any movie shown in Texas theater that isn't a western.
OPTIMIST -- girl who regards a bulge as a curve.
MAGAZINE -- bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue.
COLLEGE -- The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.
EMERGENCY NUMBERS -- Police station, fire department and places that deliver.
OPERA -- When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.
BUFFET -- A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself."
BABY-SITTER -- A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers.
TATTOO -- Permanent proof of temporary insanity.
What is generation Y?
- People born before 1946 were called The Silent generation. - The Baby Boomers, are people born between 1946 and 1959.
- Generation X, people born between 1960 and 1979.
- Generation Y, are the people born between 1980 and 2011
Why do we call the last group Generation Y?
Recently a cartoonist explained it very eloquently below...
And I always thought it was because they say...
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?
Wal-Mart announced today that they'll soon be offering customers yet another new discount item, their own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of California to produce their spirits at an affordable price.
Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but "there is strong market demand for cheap wine", said Jane Weldon, professor of Wal-Mart's marketing division. "However," she added "Choosing the right names are important for building brand-ability and loyalty."
Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive names for the Wal-Mart house brand wines. The top surveyed names in, order of popularity, include:
•Chateau Traileur Parc
•White Trashfindel
•Peanut Noir
•I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!
•Grape Expectations
•Nasti Spumante
•Big Red Gulp
•World Championship Riesling
•NASCARbernet
•Chef Boyardeaux
Pricing is expected to be in the $3-5 range and will be offered in the box and bottle. If production goes smoothly, expect to find Wal-Mart's self-branded wine on the shelves sometime next year.
