We went for a hike (with Max) on the Elwood Bluffs and down along the sand. The day was beautiful and the surf had washed up many rocks and shells. I found a Sandollar, which I never see here at all.
We went to see "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" this afternoon and heartily enjoyed it. The part was made for Nicholas Cage...
Late Night Call
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear"
Top Ten Signs You Know You've Joined A Redneck HMO
10. Your Viagra prescription includes a Popsicle stick and some duct tape.
9. The only 100% covered expense is embalming.
8. Your Prozac comes in colors and has little "m"s on each pill.
7. Preventive Care Coverage includes "an apple a day".
6. Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
5. The Lone Star Bar and Grill is an approved pharmacy.
4. The only proctologist lists his address as Rotorooter.
3. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
2. Directions to the Dr.'s office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park".
1. The annual breast exam is conducted at Hooter's
Trailer Park Rules
1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three weeks.
2. No changing your oil in the street.
3. No loud and wild parties without inviting the manager.
4. You may have no more than 3 beer can wind chimes each only having no more than 6 cans each.
5. Drunkenness will not be tolerated in the streets prior to 10 am.
6. While outside of your trailer you must be at least partially clothed.*
7. If you prefer to clean your trailer in the nude, please close the curtains. *
8. When bringing in the Jerry Springer or COPS film crews, please provide the management prior written notice so that certain residents may be forewarned.
9. Empty beer bottles should not be discarded on the front lawn. However, they may remain there until you are sober enough to collect them with the understanding you will collect them within 7 days whether sober or not.
10. When bringing dates home to your trailer, please be advised that in the event the sidewalks need to be repaired or replaced due to the weight of your date, you will be responsible for all cost incurred.
Note* (Exemptions to rules 6 & 7 may be provided to women between the ages of 18 and 35. Please submit a photograph to the manager for approval.)
Following these simple rules should make your stay in our trailer park more enjoyable for everyone.
She's SOOOO blonde...
...she thought a quarterback was a refund
...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order
...she thought Boyz II Men was a day-care center
...she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools
...she thought General Motors was in the Army.
...she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
...under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".
...she tried to drown a fish.
...she tripped over a cordless phone.
...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate".
...she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".
...they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius".
...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
...it takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes"
...she studied for a blood test-and failed.
...she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train".
...she sold the car for gas money
...when she saw the movie rating "NC-17: under 17 not admitted", she went home and got 16 friends.
...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved
...she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
...when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
...when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left", she turned around and went home.
...she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
Redneck Medical Terms
* Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
* Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.
* Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.
* Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome.
* Catscan.....................Searching for Kitty.
* Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.
* Colic.......................A sheep dog.
* Coma........................A punctuation mark.
* D&C.........................Where Washington is.
* Dilate......................To live long.
* Enema.......................Not a friend.
* Fester......................Quicker than someone else.
* Fibula......................A small lie.
* Genital.....................Non-Jewish person.
* G.I.Series..................World Series of military baseball.
* Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.
* Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.
* Labor Pain..................Getting hurt at work.
* Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.
* Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.
* Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates.
* Node........................I knew it.
* Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.
* Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
* Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
* Post Operative..............A letter carrier.
* Recovery Room...............Place to do upholstery.
* Rectum......................Darn near killed him.
* Secretion...................Hiding something
* Seizure.....................Roman emperor.
* Tablet......................A small table.
* Terminal Illness............Getting sick at the airport.
* Tumor.......................More than one.
* Urine.......................Opposite of you're out
* Varicose....................Near by
