Waiting for this day to be done...

Woke up at 3:45 this morning.  I think I really never got my mind working today....Waiting for this day to be done...

I guess Sarah Palin had the same issue, since she couldn't remember the correct word to use, she decided on a Bushism (invent my own word), "refudiates". I bet she can't remember what newspaper she saw that in.... At least she got something to come out of her mouth....

Word is that Lindsay Lohan is a "mess" facing entry to jail tomorrow.  The poor thing (NOT). 


Big t'do about term limits: I have a few things to say about that.  #1: The kind of people that usually run for political offices are those we really don't even want around for one term.  #2: Limiting terms means you get to vote in a new crook instead of re-voting in the old crook.  Why are you re-voting in the old crook ?  Seems we always have had term limits, by just not voting for incumbents.  #3: Limiting terms tends to make the crookedness more concentrated in fewer terms.  Is that what we want either ?


Seems like what we really want is our cake and be able to eat it too.  We want an honest and hard working politician (IMPOSSIBLE) to be in office as long as he is honest and hard working.  If lobbying were more limited, then the campaigns would be less expensive (and probably more honest, as well).  The vote would be for the best person for the job. 


Has anyone ever considered a viability test for each voter before he can vote ?  Some people that you run into or hear about shouldn't be allowed to vote because they don't understand the issues or are just voting for the best looking candidate or whomever come up first in the ballot.  All term limits do is keep crooks from getting re-elected too many times or keep honest and hard working politicians from finishing their agendas.

 

Bill Gates met God, and God said

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or to Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world, and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."

Bill Gates said, "What's the difference between the two?"

God said, "It might help you decide if you took a peek at both places. Shall we look at Hell first?"

Bill was amazed. He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful men and women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. "This is great!" said Bill. "If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven."

God said, "Let's go!" and off they went to Heaven.

Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision. "God, I do believe I would prefer to go to Hell."

"As you wish," said God.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amidst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being tortured by demons with pitchforks. "How ya doin', Bill?" asked God.

Bill responded with anguish and despair, "This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"

"Oh, that," said God. "That was the screen saver." 

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed.

Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless practical joker, sitting at his bed side.

He asked his brother how his wife was doing and his brother said, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter.

But the hospital was in a real hurry to
get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you."

The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and asked with some trepidation, "Well, bro, what did you name them?"

Whereupon, his brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise."

The husband, relieved, said, "That's a lovely name! And what did you come up with for my son?"

The brother winked and replied, "Denephew."

Moral: Don't let your family name your kids.

Redneck pickup lines

1) Did you fart? ...cuz you just blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded? .....cuz ya sure are special.

3) My love fer you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card? ...cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? ...cuz I can see myself in em.

6) You might not be the best lookin' girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.

7) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

8) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

9) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND.. the best for last!

10) Yer face reminds me of a wrench. Every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up.

There was a family gathering, with all  generations around the table.

Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into
Grandpa's drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself
because he had to go to the bathroom.

When he returned, however, his trousers were wet all over.

"What happened, Grandpa?" he was asked by his
concerned children.

"Well," he answered, "I don't really know. I had to go to
the bathroom. So I took it out and started to pee, but then I
saw that it wasn't mine, so I put it back!" 

Useless Facts
1. In Kentucky, 50 percent of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers. 2. Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during W.W.I
3. Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded.
4. In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles.
5. About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it.
6. You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day than in any other weather.
7. An average person laughs about 15 times a day.
8. Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
9. Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.
10. The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.
11. A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m.p.h.
12. The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500's.
13. The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C.
14. A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee.
15. The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is.
16. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
17. The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.
18. In 1980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones - Bhutan.
19. Every person has a unique tongue print.
20. Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does.
21. Women's hearts beat faster than men's.
22. Pollsters say that 40 percent of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in their wallets.
23. Bubble gum contains rubber.
24. You can only smell 1/20th as well as a dog.
25. Only 55 percent of all Americans know that the sun is a star.
26. The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in Jello.
27. Even if you cut off a cockroach's head, it can live for several weeks.
28. Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
29. The world population of chickens is about equal to the number of people.
30. Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured ice water over his head.
31. In 75% of American households, women manage the money and pay the bills.
32. A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.
33. About 70 percent of Americans who go to college do it just to make more money.
34. It's against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in Kansas.
35. Some toothpaste contains antifreeze.
36. Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.
37. Millie the White House dog earned more than 4 times as much as President Bush in 1991.
38. Bird droppings are the chief export of Nauru, an island nation in the Western Pacific.
39. There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.
40. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
41. Lee Harvey Oswald's cadaver tag sold at an auction for $6,600 in 1992.
42. Spotted skunks do handstands before they spray.
43. Hypnotism is banned by public schools in San Diego.
44. The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley.
45. When snakes are born with two heads, they fight each other for food.
46. Most cows give more milk when they listen to music.
47. 27 percent of U.S. male college students believe life is "a meaningless existential hell."
48. In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die.
49. Aztec emperor Montezuma had a nephew, Cuitlahac, whose name meant "plenty of excrement."
50. Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark (hence, the light bulb).