Poker was great last night, and it is true you know; winning gets boring. I did not have that problem, though. For the most part, I held my own much of the evening, but my funds dipped later on. Bottom line, I played all night and ended $9.50 in the hole. Much fun though.
The rest of my day was consumed with shopping and other unexciting chores. Not that I'm dissapointed, but I feel like I gotta go somewhere, like this:
...... and then do nothing! I sure hope that "my boat" comes in soon....
'Involuntary Muscular Contractions'
A professor at University of Minnesota, was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students. The rest of my day was consumed with shopping and other unexciting chores. Not that I'm dissapointed, but I feel like I gotta go somewhere, like this:
...... and then do nothing! I sure hope that "my boat" comes in soon....
'Involuntary Muscular Contractions'
Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably moose hunting with his buddies.'
It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.
Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist
opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors."
The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read,
"Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to
"Catatonics and High Colonics."
No go.
Next, they tried
"Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives."
Thumbs down again.
Then came "Minds and Behinds." Still no good.
Another attempt resulted in
"Lost Souls and Butt Holes."
Unacceptable again!
So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts."
Not a chance.
"Nuts and Butts?" No way.
"Freaks and Cheeks?" Still no go.
"Loons and Moons?" Forget it.
Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with:
Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, "Odds and Ends."
Everyone loved it.
Good news! BP has stopped the oil leak!
They put a giant wedding band around the well and all of a sudden it quit putting out!!!
A Florida senior citizen
drove his brand new Lexus convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Lexus, looked at the old man, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, it's Friday and my shift ends in 30 minutes. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused........ Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the Trooper.
