Meanwhile, I couldn't possibly be busier at work working on projects whose funding expires by the end of the year. It has surprised me how productive I can still be, knowing that the end is coming soon.
Today, I am assisting the creation of several parts of our Thanksgiving Feast. I am go-fer, grater, mixer, shopper, and you-name-it, but I am not responsible for successful creations!
"The best way to make a small fortune in racing is to start with a big one." - attributed, Junior Johnson
One-liners
Even if the voices aren't real, they have some pretty good ideas.
Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
The most adorable bride of today will be someone's mother-in-law in the future.
Punctual people have nothing better to do.
People who want by the yard, but try by the inch, should be kicked by the foot!
Nothing tastes as good as slim feels.
Save time . . . see it my way.
The only thing you have to do is breathe; Everything else is just optional.
People spend their health for wealth . . . then spend their wealth for health.
Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.
Nobody plans to fail, they just fail to plan.
Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you may never owe.
Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.
The closest some people ever get to a 4.0 in school is their blood alcohol content.
The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up!! You don't know where it's been!!"
Cat Quotes
"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats."
- Dave Platt
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow."
- Jeff Valdez
"There is no snooze button for a cat that wants breakfast."
-Anonymous
"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods.
Cats have never forgotten this." - Anonymous
"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats."
- English proverb
"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat."
- Ellen Perry Berkeley
"One cat just leads to another."
- Ernest Hemingway
"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later."
- Mary Bly
"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia."
- Joseph Wood Krutch
"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life."
- Faith Resnick
"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior."
- Hippolyte Taine
"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats."
- Anonymous
"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats."
- Albert Schweitzer
The cat has too much spirit to have no heart."
- Ernest Menaul
"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me."
- Anonymous
"Time spent with cats is never wasted."
- Colette
"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well."
- Missy Dizick
"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats."
- Colonial American proverb
"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want."
- Joseph Wood Krutch
"Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit."
- John S. Nichols
"The smallest feline is a masterpiece."
-- Leonardo Da Vinci
"Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it."
-- Anonymous
"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein
Back in the days of the Roman Empire, the famous Emperor Nero instituted a new game. The players would take those little disks you set your glass on in order to protect the furniture, and see who could get the most distance rolling them across the floor.
They were the first roller coasters.
Back in those days, the disks were made of iron, and they would bet on whose disk would roll the farthest.
They called them ferrous wheels.
Answering machine message at a Mental Hospital
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline......"
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short- term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it
up.
