Thank God It's FINALLY Friday!
Isn't it amazing that in this day and age that the driving force in the lead to better technologies is not the space race or cancer research, but instead a better porn experience on the internet! What a world we live in.
Isn't interesting how Government Motors has repaid the Government (GM In Hot Water)? Because they went through a Government bankruptcy, they screwed all their suppliers. Since the Government gave them $58 billion, of which $8 billion is a repayable loan, AND they didn't need the money to pay anybody, they just put it in the bank. So while the ads all paint Government Motors as being GOOD GUYS for repaying the loans to the Government, they are not telling you that 1) they screwed all their suppliers (which cost jobs and higher prices) and 2) they kept the non-repayable portion of the Government money ($50 billion + the interest) and 3) their cars are no better than they were before the bankruptcy and 4) they aren't selling any more cars than they did before, and most importantly 5) the tax payers (otherwise known as the car buying public or consumers) are left to repay the $50 billion within the expanded deficit. So when you think about buying a Government Motors car, I think you should fuggedaboutit! We already are paying for the cars, but we don't get to use them. This is a REALLY good deal for a company that "was too big to fail", even though Government Motors is too stupid to succeed- unless they turn another great deal from the Government. It reminds me of a crying kid running to their parents screaming that it (the competition) was unfair, begging them to do something- anything- as long as it allows them to win!
Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day
a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring
him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued:
Proctor: I beg your pardon?
Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.
Proctor: Sorry, no.
Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that
you bring me Cakes and Ale.
At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred
year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally
in effect, and pointed to the section which read (rough
translation from the Latin):
"Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and
Ale".
Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the
student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping
away.
Three weeks later, after a careful perusal of the old document,
the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the
examination.
A very spiritual, devout and holy priest dies and is immediately
swept up to heaven. St. Peter greets him at the Pearly Gates, and
says,
"Hello, Father, we've been waiting for you for a long time.
Welcome to Heaven! You are very well known here, and as a special
reward, because you are such a spiritual and holy man, we're
going to grant you anything you wish even before you enter
Heaven. What can I grant you?"
"Well," the priest says, "I've always been a great admirer of the
Virgin Mother. I've always wanted to talk to her."
St. Peter nods his head to one side, and lo and behold who should
approach the priest but the Virgin Mary!
The priest is beside is himself, and he manages to say,
"Mother, I have always been a great admirer of yours, and have
studied everything I could about you and followed your life as
best I could. I have studied every painting and portrait ever
made of you, and I've noticed that you are always portrayed with
a slightly sad look on your face. I have always, always wondered
what it was that made you sad. Would you please tell me?"
"Honestly?" she asked, with a little pained grimace on her face.
"Well.... I was really hoping for a girl."
Pondering old age
How do I know that my youth is all spent?Well, my get up and go has got up and went.
But in spite of it all I am able to grin
when I recall where my get up has been.
Old age is golden-so I've heard it said-
but sometimes I wonder when I get into bed,
with my ears in a drawer and my teeth in a cup,
my eyes on the table until I wake up.
Ere sleep dims my eyes I say to myself,
"Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?"
And I'm happy to say as I close my door,
my friends are the same, perhaps even more.
When I was young, my slippers were red,
I could pick up my heels right over my head.
When I grew older, my slippers were blue,
but still I could dance the whole night through.
But now I am old, my slippers are black,
I walk to the store and puff my way back.
The reason I know my youth is all spent,
my get up and go has got up and went.
But I really don't mind when I think, with a grin,
of all the grand places my get up has been.
Since I have retired from life's competition,
I accommodate myself with complete repetition.
I get up each morning, and dust off my wits,
pick up my paper and read the "obits".
If my name is missing, I know I'm not dead,
so I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed
The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps."
Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up."
