If you believe in the Mayan calendar, December 21 is the end of all we have now. I for one will rest more comfortably knowing that I voted for Obama, never touched Windows 8, never gave in to Apple's magnetic retail scheme, never clicked a "Like" button on Facebook, and basically am comfortable in the decisions that I made throughout my life. If the prophesy is true, then certainly I can do nothing to change the inevitable. I am probably regarded as old and cantankerous and nobody else really cares that I have have comfort. IMHO I believe that that is very important to be truthful to one's self.
If I looked at my "bucket list", I wouldn't find things like jumping out of an airplane, climbing Mount Everest or flying to the Moon. It only consists of things that I would like to do, given the time. Right now, there are three local attractions that I would like to see: the Endeavor at the California Science Center, the big rock at LACMA and the battleship Iowa in San Pedro. If the Mayan Apocalypse occurs before I get there, I guess it won't matter so much.
I'm sure glad that California is not one of the battleground or swing states. I honestly don't believe I could stand presidential ads on top of the state and Congressional political ads that we have now. They must honest believe that they will pester us into voting their way. Speaking of pester: how about all those poll phone calls. It has gotten to the point that we don't answer the phone from six p.m. until after nine p.m.
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7- year-
old soccer players aside and asked,
"Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or
lose but how we play together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a foul is
called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call
him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy
gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your
coach 'a dumb asshole' is it?''
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that
to your mother."
Time Honored Truths
Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7.. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12.. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13.. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21.. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25.. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas
- What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
I dunno, why do we?
