Their Old Ways Are Still In Motion...

So I've been getting this call for about two weeks now, at least once a day from a area code in Missouri. When I answer the phone, there is a pregnant pause and then they ask for someone I never heard of.  I tell them that they are calling the wrong number because there is nobody here by that name.  They didn't identify themselves and hung up before I could find out anymore information.  I wrote to Edhat to see if anybody else locally was being bugged by the same caller, and sure enough it is Citi Mortgage. Apparently a few other readers were also bugged.  I decided to call the number back and all I got was a recording with another number to call.  I called it and after umpteen button selections, got a live person.  I asked him to get his supervisor.  I explained the situation to the supervisor and was assured that my number would be removed from the call list.  Of course, that doesn't account for the others that are also getting calls.  So hopefully I will have a call free day tomorrow.  I repeated this story here to show that in spite of all the OTHER ways that marketers have figured to plunder us, the old ways are still in motion!

An 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master
bath suite and Jacuzzi.

As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"

Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out.

"How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation.

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.

Peter lectured, "That's the best part . . . you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly.

Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.

The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your damn bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

Medical Terms

A wife pursued her husband to visit his doctor as he was not been able to do all the things around the house, like he used to. So, after the clinical investigation...

Man: Now Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.

Doctor: Well, in plain English, you're just lazy!

Man: Okay, now give me the medical term that I can tell my wife. 

A man is traveling across the country and comes upon a pig with a wooden leg. This rouses his curiosity so he finds the owner of the pig and asks "How'd your pig get a wooden leg?"

The farmer replies "Why, this pig is really something else. One day, I got trapped under my tractor. My little fella ran on over to the neighbors and somehow got them to come on over and free me from under it. This amazing pig saved my life!"

The traveler, amazed, says "That is amazing, so how'd he end up with a wooden leg?" The farmer goes on to say "Let me tell you about this marvelous pig. Another time, the house set fire and I was trapped inside, unconscious. This sweetheart of a pig ran through the flames, grabbed my arm in his mouth and dragged me out to safety. This little guy saved my life AGAIN!"

The traveler, mystified, replied "That is a wondrous thing, but... how'd the pig get a wooden leg?" The farmer goes on, saying "Let me tell you... one time I fell in the pond, and not knowing how to swim, set to drowning. This beautiful creature dived on in, and pulled me out to safety, then gave me
mouth to mouth resuscitation. The little bugger SAVED MY LIFE! AGAIN!"

The traveler, amazed, but now incredibly curious, asked again..."Wow, but... how'd he get the wooden leg?!" The farmer replied, "A marvelous creature, I tells ya, a real beaut. A pig like that, you just can't eat a pig like that... at least not all at once."