A very proper man started going into the neighborhood drug store
every week and buying 2 dozen boxes of condoms. Week after week,
he would come in with the same order. One day, the druggist felt
he had to say something to the man.
"Wow! You must have the stamina of a bull. Talk about getting
lucky! How on earth do you use that many condoms a week?"
The man looked at him in disgust and said, "I beg your pardon,
but I find the whole idea of sex repulsive!"
So, the druggist asked, "Then what do you do with all those
condoms?"
The gentleman answered, "I feed them to my chihuahua and now he
poops in little plastic bags."
Favorite excuses for missing work:
My stigmata's acting up.
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my
previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
I have a rare case of 48-hour wrist leprosy, but I know we have
that deadline to meet...
I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.
I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I
shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now
contain false information.
The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave
me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
I prefer to remain an enigma....it's Monday.
My stepmother has come back as one of the Undead and we must
track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and
give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I
insist on paying my fair share.
I was up on a ladder decorating the Christmas tree when my mother
called me and told me I was Jewish. I fell off the ladder.
I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!
