Billed as James Bond meets Indiana Jones, we were intrigued as to how well both Ford and Craig fit so well into a Western. I hope they both get another chance to be in one, even if not together. The movie is a bit hokey, as one would expect from mixing the two genres, but honesty, I think it played out much better than the critics allowed. They were really to hard on Olivia Wilde, as well. Nobody seemed surprised when a woman wanted to go after the aliens, though.
The bartender was washing his glasses, when an elderly Irishman
came in. With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg
over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a
sip of Irish whiskey.
The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down
there?" The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give
Jesus an Irish whiskey, too.
The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched
back, who moved very slowly. He shuffled up to the barstool and
asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and
asked if that was Jesus sitting at the end of the bar. The
bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give Jesus a glass of
Chianti, too.
The third patron to enter the bar was a redneck, who swaggered
into the bar and hollered, "Barkeeper, set me up a cold one! Hey,
is that God's Boy down there?" The barkeeper nodded, so the
redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one, too.
As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and
touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The
Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, so he got up and
danced a jig out the door.
Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness, you are
healed!" The Italian felt his back straighten, so he raised his
hands above his head and did a flip out the door.
Jesus walked toward the redneck, but the redneck jumped back and
exclaimed, "Don't touch me! I'm drawin' disability!"
Evaluation Comments
Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
AVERAGE:
Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:
Has committed no major blunders to date.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
Drinks heavily.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE:
Opinionated.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:
Still one step ahead of the law.
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL:
Will stick with us until retirement.
QUICK THINKING:
Offers plausible excuses for errors.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK:
Conceited.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS:
Buys drinks for superiors.
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION:
Knows more than superiors.
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN:
A real jerk.
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS:
Knows when to keep mouth shut.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC:
Finds someone else to do the job.
A KEEN ANALYST:
Thoroughly confused.
NOT A DESK PERSON:
Did not go to college.
EXPRESSES SELF WELL:
Can string two sentences together.
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB:
Miserable home life.
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL:
Scared.
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL:
A nitpicker.
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP:
Has a loud voice.
JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND:
Lucky.
MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE:
A snob.
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR:
Knows lots of dirty jokes.
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES:
Stubborn.
GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE:
A coward.
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE:
Stupid.
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION:
Turns in work on time.
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL:
Wanted by no-one else.
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS:
An office gossip.
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT:
Lazy and hard-headed.
HARD WORKER:
Usually does it the hard way.
ENJOYS JOB:
Needs more to do.
HAPPY:
Paid too much.
WELL ORGANIZED:
Does too much busywork.
COMPETENT:
Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN:
Pain in the ass.
WILL GO FAR:
Relative of management.
SHOULD GO FAR:
Please.
USES TIME EFFECTIVELY:
Clock watcher.
VERY CREATIVE:
Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
USES RESOURCES WELL:
Delegates everything.
DESERVES PROMOTION:
Create new title to make him or her feel appreciated.
