Tonight and tomorrow night is the Perseid meteor shower. We plan to go to the mountains to see it, given that the fog allows.
CNN says that 1 in 12 births in the US are to undocumented parents. I don't believe that the intent of the law was to make these many kids citizens by default. If their parents become citizens, I don't have any problem. Citizenship should be earned and not a birthright. Meanwhile, we in each state bear the burden of support in many, many ways. That can't be right, and certainly cannot continue. Is it time to rewrite this (and maybe a few more) laws (very quickly) ??
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| What a fine pickle I've gotten myself into now! |
There were these two blondes driving along the highway looking
for a place to stop and picnic. The first blonde says,
"Let's stop here, and have our picnic under that tree."
The other says, "No! Let's have it right here in the middle of
the road."
They argued about it for a bit, but finally agreed to have it in
the middle of the road.
All of a sudden, a car comes speeding towards them and has to
swerve into the tree to keep from hitting them.
The one blonde says to the other,
"See? If we were under that tree, we'd be dead now!"
Bill Engvall took it upon himself to hand out these imaginary signs to anyone acting stupid. Here are his best.
- (In a hallway waiting for an elevator) A stranger approaches and asks, “Excuse me, are these the elevators that go up?” Engvall replies, “No, these are the ones that go side to side. The ones that go up are down the hall.” Engvall then explains to the audience, “He walked away!”
- (In a store buying pants) The clerk asks, “Are you gonna buy these?” Engvall’s reply: “Nope, gonna steal ‘em. Just wanted you to see them before I walked out of the store. Here’s your sign.”
- Engvall’s wife (Gail) says, “Why do they put those [deer crossing] signs up? Deer can’t read.” Engvall’s reply: “No, but they can recognize pictures of themselves. Here’s your sign.”
- (Engvall and a buddy were getting off of a boat with a string full of bass) A stranger asks, “You catch all those fish?” Engvall’s reply: “Nope. Talked ‘em into givin’ up. Here’s your sign.”
- (On the phone at an airport talking to his wife explaining that the plane hit a deer) Engvall’s wife says, “Oh my God! Were you on the ground?” Engvall’s reply: “Nope, Santa was making one last run. Here’s your sign”.
ORGASM TYPES
Sex in a boat = Oargasms
Sex with a nerd = Dorkgasms
Sex at the entrance to your house = Doorgasms
Sex on the carpet or linoleum = Floorgasms
Sex at the supermarket = Storegasms
Sex with wild pigs = Boargasms
Sex at a Stephen King movie = Horrorgasms
Sex with a prostitue = Whoregasms
Sex with a storyteller = Loregasms
Sex with an accountant = Boregasms
Sex while sleeping = Snoregasms
Sex with Arthur = Dudley Mooregasms
Sex with cartoon donkeys = Eeyoregasms
Sex while broke = Poorgasms
Sex with a lion = Roargasms
Sex for hours and hours on end = Soregasms
Sex on a golf course = Foregasms
Sex with a nymphomaniac = Ready for Moregasms
Sex in a gold mine = Oregasms
Sex with a dermatologist = Poregasms
Sex with the vice president = Al Goregasms
Sex with chocolate marshmallows = S'moregasms
Sex with a bullfighter = Toreadorgasms
Sex with a masked man carrying a sword = Zorogasms
Sex on the beach = Shoregasms
Sex when you get an award = Honogasms
Sex at an all you can eat buffet = Smorgasbordgasms
Sex on a cruise ship deck = Shuffleboardgasms
Sex in Asia = Singaporegasms
Sex among the wonders of the world = Outdoorgasms
Sex in the vicinity of garbage can = odorgasms
Sex on the way to the train = All aboardgasms
Sex that isn't very satisfying = there's the doorgasms
Sex during hay fever season = Sporegasms
Sex using plastic cutlery = Sporkgasms
Sex with a Medieval poet = Troubadorgasms
Sex in an adult theater = Hardcoregasms
Sex with conquering Spaniards = Conquistadorgasms
Sex with someone not paying attention = Ignorgasms
Sex with a competitive partner = scoregasms
Sex in a firehouse = Firedoorgasms
Sex with an Icelandic singer = Bjorkgasms
Sex with the host of a horrible t.v. show = Pauly Shoregasms
Sex with a cookie = Oreogasms
Sex while flying = Soargasms
Sex with a bugle player = Horngasms
Sex with an astronaut who didn't make it into space = Abortgasms
Sex with a beloved partner = Adoregasms
Sex with a meat eater = Carnivoregasms
Sex with a person who's got a really bad hairdo = Pompadoregasms
Sex with someone who has really bad taste in clothes = Velourgasms
Sex while sightseeing = Tourgasms
Sex with a big dog = Labradorgasms
Sex with Beavs and Butthead = Gonnascoregasms
Sex during an earthquake = Tremorgasms
Sex on farm implements = Tractorgasms
Sex with Thomas Edison = Inventorgasms
Sex with a construction worker = Contractorgasms
Sex at a symphony orchestra = Conductorgasms
Sex with a person who examines dead bodies = Coronergasms
Sex on the stairs at the mall = Escalatorgasms
Sex while hopelessly drunk on shooters = Liquorgasms
Sex with a possessive partner = Yourgasms
Sex with Frankenstein's assistant = Igorgasms
Sex with three of your friends = Fourgasms
Sex with a Norse God = Thorgasms
Sex when resistance is futile = Borggasms
Sex without a climax = Nogasms
