WHY AM I MARRIED?
You have choices in life: You can stay single and
be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
A Woman's Prayer
'Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom - to understand a man, to love and to forgive him, and for patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death'
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Enzo, has cheated him out of 10 million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks is that he embezzled from me."
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzo where the money is.
Enzo signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzo's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The lawyer signs to Enzo, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Enzo signs back, "OK. You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Bruno's backyard in Woodbridge!
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the balls to pull
the trigger."
Don't you just LOVE lawyers?!
Driving through Oklahoma, my husband and I went out of our way to stop at what was billed as the largest McDonald's in the world.
However, we were less than thrilled when an employee addressed everyone over the intercom: "Attention, world's largest McDonald's customers."
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's
office.
There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle
this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?"
"You would never get through basic training," scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"
