I am certainly amazed that the formerly (G)OP candidates haven't given up yet. Poor old Mitt is having a tough time keeping his story straight long enough to get a majority. The balance of them should just drop out of the race and let Mitt start dealing with Obama instead of wasting time dealing with them. Formerly quiet Sarah Palin has been speaking up again and has thrown her support to Newt- poor guy. I am sure that that is not going to help him enough to win anything AND it may make it worse. Perhaps she is looking for a VP position...
Fred's convertible glided to a halt on the edge of a lonely country road.
"I suppose," said his pretty but reluctant date, "you're going to pull the old 'out of gas' routine."
"No," said Fred, " I'm going to pull the 'here after' routine."
"The 'here after' routine... what's that?" she wanted to know.
"If you're not here after what I'm here after, you'll be here after I'm gone!" he replies.
I was sitting on a bus behind a mother and her young son. Her boy kept looking around and pulling funny faces at me.
After a few minutes, I got tired of his antics, so I said, "When I was a young lad, my mother told me that if I made a ugly face and the wind changed, I'd stay that way."
The little bastard replied, "Well, you can't say you weren't warned."
Tour Guide For Northerners
Northerners visiting the South Information for Northerners Visiting the Southern States If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the south, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in life styles:
If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel-drive pickup truck with a 12-pack of beer and a towchain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.
Remember: "Y'all" is singular, "All y'all" is plural, and "All y'alls'" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are ya?"
You may hear a Southerner say "Oughta!" to a dog or child. This is short for "Y'all oughta not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "No!"
Don't be worried about not understanding what people are saying; they can't understand you, either.
The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol'," as in "big ol' truck " or "big ol' boy." Most Northerners begin their new Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim "Hey, y'all, watch this," stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
When you come upon a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks here learn to drive on a John Deere, and that this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.
