Is Sarah Palin and the Tea Party losing their luster ? That depends who you listen to. I think people like to hear her speak, and frequently they agree with her- but they wouldn't vote for her in a presidential election.
One of the men walks in the office and says, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk asks, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The blonde says, "I'll go check," and goes back to the truck.
He returns and says, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four."
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The blonde pauses for a minute and says, "I'd better go check."
After a while, the blonde returns to the office and says, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
Texasisms
Ah - (ah). The letter "I" or the sound produced by the long "i", as in ahce (ice), tahr (tire), lahk (like), or mah (my). All git out - (all-git-out). To a great degree, exceedingly, or as much as possible, as in, "She was madder'n (see 'n below) all git out!"
Ah'ite - (ah'ite). Alright, as in, "Is ev'thang (see ev'thang below) ah'ite?"
Bald - (bald). Boiled, as in, "Cook me up a hard bald egg."
Big'o - (big-oh). Big ol', big ole, or big old, as in, "That sure's a big'o truck."
Caw - (caw). Call, as in, "Caw may (see may below) later."
Done - (dun). Done, completed, broken up, or tired, as in "the chicken's done", "we're done", or "I'm done."
Ev'thang - (ev-uh-thang). Everything, as in "Is ev'thang ah'ite (see ah'ite above)? See also thang below. Fixin' - (fix-in). About, when used with to, pronounced "tuh", as in "I'm fixin' tuh go to the game." Or, the whole of the side dishes included with a meal when made plural "fixins", as in "We're havin' turkey and all the fixins."
Gimme - (gi-mee). Give me or give to me, as in "Gimme a break."
Get/Got on at - (get or got-on-at). To gain or to have gained employment from, as in, "Johnny's gonna' (see gonna' below) try to get on at the feedlot next week," or "Johnny got on at the feedlot last week."
Gonna' - (gun-uh). Going to. See get/got on at above.
In'thang - (in-uh-thang). Anything, as in "Do we need in'thang from the store?"
Jeetjet - (jeet-jet). Did you eat yet(?), as in, "Jeetjet? Squeat." (See squeat below). Kicker - (kick-ur). The deciding or utmost motivating factor, the last and typically most persuasive reason or argument. As in, "...and here's the kicker..."
Libel'ta - (libel-tuh). Liable to, or, more appropriately, likely to, as in "He's libel'ta go off and do sumpin' (see sumpin' below) stupid."
May - (may). Me, see caw above.
'n - (un). Than, when following a descriptive, as in "bigger'n Dallas" or "madder'n all git out (see all git out above)."
Nuttin' - (nut-in). Nothing, as in, "I ain't got nuttin'."
O' - (o). Ol', ole, or old, an article like "the" or "a", especially when applied to persons or animals, as in "O' Scooter is good o' boy (or dog)."
-Off - (off). A condition or state of being when appended to the end of a descriptive, as in "The doc says Jim's pretty bad-off." Others include good-off, well-off, and the more familiar ticked-off, hacked-off and, of course, p'd-off.
-Out - (out). Appended to a verb to form seemingly interchangeable present tense descriptives, as in wore-out, give-out, plum-out.
Note: for the present perfect tense of verbs ending in "n" or "en", drop the "n", as in wore-out (not worn out).
Ov'air - (ohv-heir). Over there, as in, "Where are my shoes? They're ov'air."
Piddlee'o - (pid-lee-oh). Small, or a small amount, as in "Ain't you just a piddlee'o thang."
Place - (place). A particular though perhaps undefined parcel of property often preceded by a proper noun to provide definition, as in "the o' (see o' above) Johnson place." Not to be confused with the English slang "place" meaning residence, as in "my place" or "your place". If you want to invite a Texan over to your "place" and the "place" to which you are refering is a 400 sq. ft. apartment, expect to be escorted to the nearest state line.
Purt/Purtee - (pert or perty). Pretty. Omit the last syllable when preceding a descriptive, "Joe's purt well-off (see -off above)," pronounce the last syllable when referencing attractivness, as in "She's show 'nuff (see show 'nuff below) purty!"
'R - (are). Our, not to be confused with "are".
In the year 2016, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States
The Lord said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the flooding rains for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.
My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
