It is really amazing how much we do every day without thinking about it. When we go on a trip, we have do make preparations for those things to happen while we are gone. It gets to be a long list. On the top of the list, the dog has to go to doggy camp. The bills need to be paid in advance. The plants need a healthy drink. The lawn needs to be cut. Clothes have to be packed. The car needs servicing, and so on.
We are all embedded in an anxiety and stress producing position. It is no wonder that we need a vacation. The original plan called for us flying away to some far off place, but this year, that didn't happen. I'll save my hope for next year...
Dealing With Telemarketers
If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . “
If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
(This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: “Hi, my name is Judy and I’m with XYZ Company. ” You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, “What are you wearing?”
Cry out in surprise, “Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?” Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
Say “No” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
If the company cleans rugs, respond: “Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?”
After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can’t just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate.
Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, “OH MY GOSH!” and then hang up.
Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, “I guess you don’t want anyone bothering you at home, right?” The Telemarketer will agree and you say, “Me either!” and proceed to hang up.
Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended.
Tell the Telemarketer you are on “home incarceration” and ask if they could bring you some beer.
Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
Tell the Telemarketer, “Okay, I’ll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I’m not wearing any clothes.”
Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. “Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?”
Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up… louder… louder!
Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
Three Women Spice Up Their Relationship
I had lunch with two of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20 plus years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here’s how it all went.
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.’ Then we made passionate love all night long.
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,
“What’s for dinner, Zorro?”
THE “Y” CHROMOSOME
People born before 1946 are called - The Greatest Generation.
People born between 1946 and 1964 are called - The Baby Boomers.
People born between 1965 and 1979 are called - Generation X.
And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called -Generation Y.
Why do we call the last group -Generation Y ?
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?
But perhaps a cartoonist explained it most eloquently below...
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